There is no doubt we live in an extroverted society; there tends to be a greater value placed on being social, outgoing and gregarious. I have noticed in my practice that often times when I mention to someone the possibility that they might be a tad more on the introverted end of the scale, there is almost a look of doubt on their faces. The reality about introversion that it is not about being reclusive or hermit-like and it is not about “hating people.” The biggest differen

Yesterday's post explored 5 facts about indifference. Sometimes we can be indifferent in our relationship, sometimes we can lean into it when it comes to a specific situation such as our health - in any case, the first step is to recognize the indifference and how it might be affecting us in both the short and long term. It is often easy to overlook the little things we used to do to take care of our loved ones, or ourselves, but this will create a cumulative effect, and bef

Although I would say that feeling accepted is one of the greatest boosters to our emotional health, I would say feeling appreciated is a close second. When we are acknowledged for the deeds we embark on that help or aid others - whether that be at home, in our families, at work, or in the community - we feel strengthened and supported. And just as important as being appreciated is showing appreciation. When we consciously make a point to appreciate, we build trust in our rel

Sometimes we have a hard time accepting something and as a result we lean into eternal hope. That place where anything is possible; where miracles can happen and what we wish for will come true. Perhaps we hope that a relationship will improve, or an outcome will come out in our favour - perhaps we realize that the boundaries we put in place are respected, or our expectations that someone will change will come to pass. Although eternal hope is usually linked to our emotion br

If there are two things that have been confirmed to me as a therapist, it is that we like plan and purpose. We feel better when moving forward (no matter the pace), and when the essence of our being aligns with purpose. We feel comforted by meaning - in our work, play, family life, community. One of the ways to achieve this is through volunteering with an organization or cause that is dear to us. Being service oriented allows us to focus on other; to make a difference: Volunt

A client remarked to me the other day, "When the why is strong enough, the how will follow." As I reflected upon this with her, I was once again brought back to one of my favourite words: curiosity. People come to therapy because they want something to be fixed; they want to feel better. Sometimes that comes with a clarity as to what they are struggling with; other times it is obscure or hidden from them and they are basing their presenting issue on feelings or symptoms. In

When we think about the beginning of something, usually something exciting comes to mind. The start of a holiday is always filled with the thoughts of adventure, a new relationship is saturated with the honeymoon phase, the nervous jitters of a new job is often tempered with possibility. When we think about something ending, usually unpleasant thoughts are quickly enveloped with feelings we wish to avoid. Endings bring about change and a new and potentially uncomfortable rea

When it comes to our emotional health, there are a variety of things that if we did less of them, we would actually get more in return. From my work with clients, I would say that these are what I would choose as the top 5: Speak less and listen more. One of the most useful skills I learned in graduate school was how to listen. To listen with the intention of understanding, to get the full picture. We tend to listen with our own emotional filters; coupled with living in a so

Sometimes life can feel as though you have no control over it. That might come from a sinking feeling of what is happening in the world right now, sometimes it can come from our own circumstances - from being too busy or overwhelmed, from being in a job or a relationship that isn't working for us anymore, from struggling to manage grief or a mental illness. Here are some ways to feel empowered: Get outside . Put your face to the sun, feel the breeze on your face. Take a deep

As a therapist, I am always reluctant to agree with the line of thought that encourages anyone to "forget about the past." Looking back is an important element in better understanding our story - we often need to understand how something developed, what patterns were created and why we are often governed by certain dynamics or core beliefs as this helps us to accept . It is an important step in giving ourselves permission to move to change. The amount of "aha moments" that

We are now at the Maintenance Stage of the Transtheoretical Model of Change (Prochaska and DiClemente). Characteristics of the maintenance stage include: We are more likely to have formed new habits/behaviour patterns that create for us the ability to stick to our goals. What we had implemented in the action stage is still playing a part, but we may not be as zealous in frequency. (Exercise is a good example.) Our confidence has increased. We feel a sense of accomplishment a

In the fourth stage of the Transtheoretical Model of Change (Prochaska & DiClemente), we move to Action. The characteristics of the action stage include: Tangible, observable behaviour changes. The people around us can see changes and will often comment on them; further encouraging us to keep on track. We have moved from wanting the change to learning what we needed to do to create the change, to actually taking the steps to feel the change. Feeling the change is an importan

Moving right along in our series about the Transtheoretical Model of Change (Prochaska & DiClemente), today we look at Stage 3 which is Preparation . The preparation stage of change has moved to some form of action: Small changes are seen in the preparation stage and we will most likely move to full action in about a month's time. During this phase, we will seek out the information we need in order to make the change happen; examples include: speaking to our doctor, booking a

Yesterday's blog post featured the beginning of a series on the Transtheoretical Model of Change by Prochaska DiClemente. We started with the pre-contemplation stage; today's post features the Contemplation Stage . In the contemplation stage, we have shifted inward to begin thinking about the possibility of change. The characteristics of contemplation include: Understanding that perhaps there are consequences to our actions; that we are potentially either hurting someone e

In the 1970's, James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente developed what is known as the Transtheoretical Model of Change. Sounds big, but it is really a way of understanding how people can change a behaviour or habit and the stages required in order for the change to become structural. It is a integrative model that looks at how a person's behavioural, psychological, and social factors play a part in that process. We will begin a series of posts that look at each stage, includin

This acronym about boundaries comes to us from Nila Conzen, a holistic psychologist from Germany: B - Be true to yourself. O - Only say yes when you mean it. U - Understand that not everyone will be pleased to hear them. N - Never feel guilty for speaking your truth. D - Do not adjust your needs to please others. A - Ask for what you want. (I don't know any mind readers out there.) R - Remember why you set them in the first place. I - Investigate your own needs. E -

When we are attempting to change something about ourselves, it often carries with it anxious feelings. There are times when the uncertainty that accompanies change will threaten our efforts, sending us back to our comfortable and familiar ways - even if those habits are unhealthy. Seems disheartening doesn't it? Here we are, wanting to change something, and we end up feeling anxious, jittery, uncertain. Why is personal growth so frightening? Dr. Jonice Webb has this to say

The word should is one that rolls right off the tongue: "I should exercise more." "I should be able to do that." "You should take my advice." According to the dictionary, you use the word should when you are saying what would be the right thing to do or the right state for something to be in. The problem with the word is that it goes against our goal to be open minded and flexible. When we hear the word should, it implies rigidity and control; our own critical voice wi

An unhealthy relationship will often strip us of our power. Sometimes, that can come from an overtly abusive relationship where the need for control oppresses the other, but it can also come from subtle sources as well. When we begin to recognize that our self-value has lessened and our self-identity is being affected by being in the relationship, we most likely know, deep down, that the relationship is oppressing us in some way. What results is a prevention of living true t

An important part of the intake process is the goals section. I often ask clients, "If you could walk out of here after so many sessions having achieved something, what would that be?" Some clients have no trouble defining their goals, others will be stumped by the question. For some people, it comes down to a feeling - "I just want to happy," or "I want to feel like myself again." Having an end goal (or two, three or four) is an important part of therapy. When you come with