We all get caught in rumination loops. Sometimes we ruminate about something that happened in the past, other times we ruminate about something that might happen in the future. Although it is important to process and understand our past, if we get caught in a rumination loop that focuses on past events, we run the risk of reinforcing symptoms of depression. And although we are pre-programmed to worry from our nomad lives of way long ago, if we ruminate about something in the

I often talk about the power of the pause and how instrumental it can be to lead us into making a decision that is measured and mindful. When we slow down enough to take a deep breath, center ourselves to assess and process our emotions, and allow our logical mind to weigh in, we tend to feel more grounded and settled. We are in our Wise Mind when we can use both logic and emotion to inform and guide us. Recently, a client noted that she resonated with the grounded space of W

Loss comes in many forms; in the grief we feel when a loved one passes away, in the sorrow of a break up, in the distress of losing a job. We feel loss when the leaves have all fallen and the trees sit bare, when times as we knew it are gone, when we struggle with a life circumstance that seems overwhelming. The reality of loss is just that; it is acknowledging that grief is a part of life. It is accepting that in our process of grieving we have also loved. Here are three q

We tend to over commit. Say yes to things because it feels bad to say no. We just try to squeeze everything in to make people happy, putting our own needs on the back burner. It can be difficult to decide where our responsibilities lie, and everything begins to feels as though it's a requirement. Instead of jumping in with both barrels, is it possible to move to a position of balancing our priorities with our demands ? Three questions that we can ask ourselves before we say

How exactly do emotions work for us? Emotions help us to non-verbally communicate our feelings. We can tell the tell-tale signs of emotion by: the look on the face of our partner if they had a bad day at work, the quiver of our two year old's little chin when on the verge of tears, the heaviness of grief in someone's eyes, the look of terror that is captured when riding a roller coaster (you'll never see that on my face, ha-ha!) or the universal look of joy when someone is wh

Martin Seligman is a psychologist who is considered the father of modern positive psychology. This is what he has to say about what we choose to focus on: "When we take time to notice the things that go right - it means we are getting a lot of little rewards throughout the day." - Martin Seligman Think about how many times we tend to focus on what goes wrong, on how the weather is not co-operating, on how someone else's behaviour has the ability to sway our mood. We often tak

I came across this poem by Hannah Brencher which summed up quite nicely for me the 'unpacking' that occurs in therapy: "We all have a bag. We all pack  differently. Some of us are  travelling light. Some of us are  secret hoarders who've never  parted with a memory in our lives. I think we are all called to  figure out how to carry our bag to the best of our ability, how to unpack it, and how to face the mess. I think part of growing up is learning how to sit down on the floo

I have come to really appreciate this statement: "Love begins and ends with attention." The word attend becomes about the investment we place in our relationships and our conscious effort to attend to those we love. We can find it in the 2:00 a.m. feeding of our newborn, in the hugs we give at the door, in the dinners we make to bring family to the table, in the little gifts of affection we buy, in the love notes we leave in our absence, in patiently tolerating the temper t

Is often the sentiment when a difference of opinion gets to a heated place. We may not say that (or maybe we will) but either way, the point of the conflict has moved to one of having to prove that we are right; an indignant, inflexible place. Lost to our own anger, we are fueled to feel justified in our belief until it reaches the point of conviction, both parties becoming stuck in an unyielding pigeonhole of wanting to get your own way. I often tell clients that there is n

We speak a lot about the skill of being able to say no. That 'no is a complete sentence.' That we are within our right to not always have to say yes to someone's request. There is no doubt that to a people pleaser, this is a skill that takes time, effort and convincing. Yet what about the idea of respecting no? In the book "Choosing Civility" by P.M. Forni , he talks about the importance of being able to respect even a subtle no: "Someone has turned down your request or i

What a lovely passage by Morgan Harper Nichols: And in those moments where the sun is setting and the house is quiet and you are weary from the day, may you know that there is grace for you in that space, and no amount of heaviness or loneliness can take that away. And because of that grace, you are free to slow  down. You are free to breathe and rest, no matter the  things not sorted out. There might be some mystery here, and there might be longing, wondering and waiting, bu

There are five areas of our life that help contribute to our overall level of satisfaction; our work, our intimate/family relationships, our spiritual life, our sense of self and our social life. If we are able to achieve a good sense of balance, and feel as though these areas are for the most part in our control, we feel more secure in our sense of well-being. There are times however, when we feel out of balance and perhaps one or two of the areas are not in our control as

A quote that I came upon:  “Education does not take place when you learn something you did not know before. Education is your ability to use what you have learned to be better today than you were yesterday.” -  Iyanla Vanzant  It is in the therapy office that I see examples of  this statement becoming reinforced over and over again. When clients first come to therapy, the first question I ask them is "what is bringing you to counselling?" It is a good way for me to hear from

H. Jackson Brown is an author, best known for his work entitled "Life's Little Instruction Book: 511 Suggestions, Observations, and Reminders on How to Live a Happy and Rewarding Life." Here are 5 quotes by Brown (sourced not inclusively to Life's Little Instruction Book) : “Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.” H. Jackson Brown Jr. “Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated." - H. Jackson Bro

Yesterday's post featured a helpful tip in dealing with negative thoughts that came from Russ Harris and his book "The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living." Based on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) principles, Harris also featured a term that resonated by way of adding a layer to action. We know and can appreciate the importance of movement forward in order to live a life fulfilled. We can sense when we are feeling stuck or lost, or when we have

Because we feel the most secure when we are safe, our brain is designed to look for danger. This was great when we lived on the plains and every day was a matter of survival; today, we live with a negative bias, which can lead to an automatic lean into negative thoughts. In the book "The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living" by Russ Harris, he writes: "Whether a thought is true is not that important. Far more important is whether it's helpful. Truthful

A little poem that caught my attention by Rudy Franciso: Of all the things I could've been, I am so glad to be this. Thank God I didn't actually become who I pretended to be Back when I had no idea who I was.  What a lovely thought about growth and giving ourselves permission to "just be." Sometimes it is the expectations that society places on us that get in the way, other times it is our own reckoning about what it means to be successful, and sometimes the messages we get f

When we think about our sense of psychological well-being, what often comes to mind is how we rate the general satisfaction of our lives. How good do we feel about our lives in general? How content are we? If we sat and thought about the elements that contribute to either a valued sense of well-being or a poor one, we would most likely come up with many factors such as the strength of our support system, our job satisfaction, our financial state, the condition of our health

When I was a little girl I can remember being very fascinated by the moon. If we were traveling home anytime at night, I believed the moon was following me home. I even recall telling my mom that once and although she kindly told me that it "just felt that way", I can also distinctly remember thinking that she was wrong. :) When we are children we have a lot of magical thinking; it is why we can tell our kids that a big, jolly man comes down the chimney at Christmas and leav

I couldn't help sharing this Maya Angelou quote as well: "We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends, and living our lives." - Maya Angelou We fear the inevitable and worry about things that take up our time and energy. We also can fall into the trap of allowing our focus to shift from our goal of living a meaningful life to one in which we strive for success. Sometimes our 'busy-ness' trumps