When Guilt is Your Default

There are times when we will feel guilty about something we have said or done. Perhaps we acted with reaction instead of response, perhaps we made a choice that hurt someone we loved, perhaps we weren’t consistent in honouring a boundary and the guilt we feel is tied to not respecting our sense of value and integrity.

When we have done something to warrant guilt, we are meant to feel it. Guilt is a mindful emotion, designed to allow our self to do better, to seek repair and reconciliation, whether that be with another person or the relationship we have to our selves.

When guilt becomes our default emotion; a process in which we consistently feel guilt over things that aren’t warranted, then it tends to lose its mindfulness. The tendency to feel guilt automatically is a learned response, most likely from childhood. It can come from being made to feel responsible for others at a young age, it can come from consistently being blamed for things, it can come from a lower sense of self-esteem.

If we find guilt as our default emotion, the first step is to recognize that we have learned it; understanding where patterns develop always holds the promise of moving towards change. We are better served to ask ourselves, “Does it have to be this way?” as our way out of default, and moving towards deciphering if the feeling of guilt was warranted or not. And when the answer is no, we can move to challenging that core belief, reminding ourselves that when guilt knocks at our door, we can choose to leave it on the step. We let it in to our home only when it is meant to be there.