What it Looks Like to be Accountable

Very often our defenses put us in a position of blame. If someone tells us we hurt their feelings, or they are disappointed that we didn’t follow through with something, our first reaction is to feel defensive. We bristle with indignation, and if we are not careful, we turn it into the blame game. It can lead us to giving a less than genuine apology, focusing instead on the “how dare they insinuate that?” versus a look inward as to our own behaviour and choices.

Sometimes our experience is with someone else who struggles to take accountability for their actions, intentional or not, and it leaves us feeling frustrated and defeated. In either scenario, this is what accountability looks like:

-          Owning our mistakes. Sometimes we knowingly choose a behaviour that causes hurt to others, sometimes it happens without intention. Keeping an open mind and being curious helps us to explore how we might have made another person feel.

-          Changing the behaviour. If this is a repeated transgression, the focus needs to be on finding healthier ways of being in relationship.

-          Not deflecting. This can be a tough one as it tends to be immediate, but we can still choose to recognize our defensive stance and choose to listen to understand.

-          Circling back. Sometimes the moment gets heated and the topic gets dropped. If we don’t circle back with a genuine apology, we are still mired in deflection.

When we tend to be accountable, we reinforce the healthy habit of self-awareness. When we can be open to hearing how another person is reacting to us, it leads to less judgement overall. Being accountable leads to greater movement and growth, humility and the courage needed to build resilience, and a healthier stance.