This can be a good mantra for people pleasers. And although it is perfectly acceptable to simply say no to a request, it often feels difficult to do so. The first thing that enters into the picture is the propensity to say "Yes" - and that pull tends to be quite strong. Next comes the guilt - somehow saying no indicates what a horrible person you are. Tsk. Tsk. Unfortunately, saying yes all the time makes us tired, feel as though we are being taken advantage of, and places ou

We can all appreciate a good work ethic. When our head hits the pillow at night, there is a part of us that feels satisfaction from a fruitful day. And yet for some of us, the pendulum has swung too far. From the moment your feet hit the floor, it is go - go - go. Perhaps it is Type A tendencies, expectations of self that tend to be too high, perfectionism, learned behaviours and/or developed patterns that have contributed to an association that resting is unacceptable. And

We all have insecurities. Sometimes they are ones that developed in our childhood, sometimes they can be circumstantial. We can have insecurities about the way we look, a skill that we lack, the way we parent, our abilities at work. Our insecurities can be tied to our sense of esteem or confidence, and they can be long lasting or fleeting. In any case, insecurities tend to take the lead. When feeling vulnerable, we often let our insecurity speak the loudest: "There is no way

Words matter. Ask anyone who has been criticized in their childhood, or bullied with words, and they will tell you that it has long lasting effects. The way we speak to ourselves; therefore, matters. Our internal dialogue is often automatic and we can carry with us the words heard (and now believed) from childhood. Repeat after me: I am worthless. I am ugly. I am unlovable. We can play around with the words "I am" to incorporate almost anything negative. "I will never me

When we think about self-care, we often think about the things we do to support and honour ourselves and the time we set aside in order to achieve those tasks. Here is a reminder of some self-care words that, being on our radar, help us to create a satisfying and joyful life: Growth . Are we moving forward? Creating goals for ourselves? The path to progress is movement. Acceptance . Of ourselves; of others. Of knowing that we often can only control our reaction to something

I came across this quote by Kim McMillen: "When I loved myself, I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving." - Kim McMillen How many times do we fail to see our value? Perhaps we have been in a job or relationship so long, we feel worn away. Perhaps we feel that to leave it means we have failed. I love the line "My judgement called it disloyal; now I see it as self-

A poem by Hollie Holden has caught my attention: Today I asked my body what she needed, Which is a big deal. Considering my journey of  Not Really Asking That Much. I thought she might need water Or protein Or greens Or yoga Or supplements Or movement. But as I stood in the shower Reflecting on her stretch marks, Her roundness where I would like flatness, Her softness where I would like firmness, All those conditioned wishes That form a bundle of  Never-Quite-Right-Ness, She

I often hear in therapy that "self-care feels selfish." One of the things we explore when first hearing this statement surrounds a person's understanding of why they feel that way. If we tend to be someone who self-sacrifices or is a people-pleaser, self-care does not come naturally. Hence, the feeling that we are being selfish. Other times our busy lives dictate this feeling. Running around with little kids, having a commitment laden job, or trying to manage work and home l

When we are wrestling with whether or not we say yes to something that has been requested of us, we can keep this saying in mind:  "Don't confuse my free time with my availability."  This is perhaps something we need to consider before saying yes. Perhaps we have set aside an entire day to do nothing but putter. Cross a few things off the list, enjoy choosing our own pace to the day, deciding how we want to spend our time moving between productivity and relaxation. Technical

I often speak of our comfort system - our relaxed state - and how we are meant to be there most of the time. For many people, the pace of life, anxiety or the lingering effects of trauma  keeps them in their fight-or-flight system most of time. This can lead us to feeling frayed, frazzled, overwhelmed and exhausted. A past client once spoke about how he goes to water to 'recharge my serenity.' He spoke about growing up near Lake Superior and how going to any body of water and

When we think about the importance of self-care, it tends to encompass many things. Sometimes it is making sure that the pace of our day is balanced; it can mean the setting of boundaries, the things we consciously choose to do to feed our comfort system; the ways in which we rest, use our senses to self-soothe, feel at peace. Whatever our chosen means of feeling grounded, it is our tendency to set ourselves aside when our days get busy - when we feel frazzeled or frayed, we

I am a big believer in some form of daily self-care. That might be the way that you start your morning - 10 minutes of meditation, prayers, stretching or yoga - or it might be a reset at lunch with a 15 minute walk in the fresh air. Our bits of self-care can be scattered throughout the day when we consciously choose to listen to music when making dinner, soak in a lavender-scented tub, light a candle. It can be the space that we make to watch the birds landing on the feeder,

In an article entitled "The Top 10 Self-Care Strategies for Stress Reduction" by Elizabeth Scott and featured on verywell mind, we are reminded of some of the basics of self care and that sometimes we can let good habits slide, such as maintaining the right amount of sleep and getting proper nutrition. Two points that I especially appreciated: Have the right attitude: Scott talks about the importance of leaning into an optimistic frame of mind and having positive affirmatio

I have just come back from a lovely weekend away with three friends. There were many contributions to what made this weekend a wonderful example of self-care: a beautiful setting. The cabin was rustic; the view was fabulous. Sitting on the front porch to see the pristine lake, a resident friendly duck and a painted turtle that liked to keep popping his head out of the water. Nature at its best will always provide the perfect setting for peace and healing. wonderful food. Rich

Christmas time can bring us many things to be thankful for - the lead up to the holidays; however, can be a time when we put ourselves on the back burner. Building on yesterday's post, here are some holiday self-care tips that we can incorporate into the Christmas season: Find some time in the evening to cozy in on the couch and watch a favourite Christmas movie. Take a drive to enjoy holiday lights. Give yourself permission to say no if you begin to feel the need to simply r

This time of year often brings the grey days of fall and we can find ourselves in the house, feeling a bit blue. Recognizing that we might need a cozy self-care day, here are a few ideas: Cuddle up on the couch with blankets, loved ones, popcorn and a feel-good movie. Bake a favourite recipe; focusing on comfort food. Write a letter to someone - the old fashioned way. Have a home spa day - candles, a warm bath, pedicure. Enjoy a warm drink while sitting down to read a book. V

We can all fall into the cognitive trap of an internal voice that is often too critical. It is more often than not that we will be harder on ourselves than we would on others and we can easily afford others compassion while disregarding the need for it ourselves. In a recent podcast episode in Oprah's Super Soul Conversations; Iyanla: Finding Yourself and the One You Want , we listen to the wisdom of Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla, in her no-nonsense and hilarious way of delivering

One word that always comes to mind in the midst of the Fall season is cozy . The warm fall days with a slight chill in the air, the cooler evenings, the vibrant colours. Although self-care is something to aspire to every day, all year round, as we immerse ourselves into the beauty of this season, here are some specific Fall self-care ideas: - Go through your summer wardrobe. If you didn't wear it, donate it to charity. - Write down some things about this season that you are g

There are nuances to our healthy relationships that often affect their reciprocity. With parents, for example, there is a power differential. Present from our childhoods, the shift of power increases in equality when we become adults; however, one wrong look from Dad or a reproachful word from Mom and we are back to feeling like a four year old kid again. :) With our children, we lead the relationship and ultimately just do more of the work; and that's okay. And when it comes

This fall, I decided to get back to walking - my 45 minute daily loop through forested trails. For the past year, I had really slowed down due to my 11 year old Great Dane not being able to map it any longer; we were going out each day, but it had become more of a daily stroll. And I needed to get back to exercising. As I was scrolling through Facebook one day, I see a sponsored advertisement for a company called My Virtual Mission . It peaked my interest so I explored it fu