Nelson Mandela, best known for leading the resistance to South African apartheid, was incarcerated for almost 20 years, and then become President of South Africa from 1994 - 1999. Today we turn to some of his wisdom for inspiration: "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela "If you want the cooperation of humans around you, you must make them

It's human nature to make assumptions. If a friend doesn't answer our text, we might assume that they are mad at us, if someone stands us up for a date, we assume that there must be something about us that turned them off, if our spouse comes home in a bad mood, maybe it was something we've done. The damage really isn't in the assumption. If we tend to overthink, over-analyze or ruminate; however, our suppositions can often lead us to creating a full story in our minds; one

One of my all time favourite soundtracks is Great Big Sea ; Something Beautiful . One of my favourite songs from the album is called "Let It Go." I especially like the chorus: "Let it go, let it go This is smaller than you know No bigger than a pebble lying on a gravel road Let it go, let it go Got to leave it all behind you Give the sun a chance to find you Let it go" Sometimes when we are told to "let it go" it doesn't seem possible. In the context of this song, it is mean

When we are wrestling with whether or not we say yes to something that has been requested of us, we can keep this saying in mind: "Don't confuse my free time with my availability." This is perhaps something we need to consider before saying yes. Perhaps we have set aside an entire day to do nothing but putter. Cross a few things off the list, enjoy choosing our own pace to the day, deciding how we want to spend our time moving between productivity and relaxation. Technical

I see many women who come to therapy because of domestic violence; and there are two things that consistently form an observable pattern among their stories: Full clarity only comes after they leave. In Canada, DV charges are now laid by the police and gone are the old days when a spouse could go into the station and drop the charges; an immediate no contact order is put into place, and both parties can be charged with breach if they contact one another. This space is often

I love this quote by Morgan Harper Nichols: "Above endless worries, she pursues endless peace." - Morgan Harper Nichols What an absolutely lovely reminder that we can choose peace as our goal. That we can rise above the daily worries, that we can push past the niggling fears, that we can face a challenge with grace, that we can lean into what feeds our comfort system, that we can seek the feeling of contentedness, that we can pause to enjoy the calm moments in our day, that w

I came across this saying by Amy Weatherly: "Some people could be given an entire field of roses and only see the thorns in it. Others could be given a single weed and only see the wildflower in it. Perception is a key component to gratitude. And gratitude is a key component to joy." - Amy Weatherly We all have days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Feeling prickly, it might be harder for us to see the things in our day that make us smile and easier to stay locked

In our last post of this little series on what to give up in order to optimize our emotional health, today let's explore giving up negative self-talk. Criticism is not feedback. It is often used as a method of control, it can also come from a need to make another person feel lesser than. Why then do we engage it in our own heads? It is my honestly felt sense that our spirit is never self-critical. That is the ego talking. It is the learned behaviours of our childhood and t

In our series about what to give up in order to create a greater sense of well being and to support our emotional growth, today we explore giving up our resistance to change . Change can be a frightening prospect. Sometimes this comes to us naturally if we experienced change after a traumatic or negative experience; sometimes change is in direct opposition to our comfort zone. The issue with change isn't really the fear that comes with it, but rather the resistance to it. Wh

Moving right along in our series on the things we can consider giving up in order to optimize our emotional health, today let's explore giving up our need to please everyone . We are a relationship species and are driven by the need to attach. As a result, gaining other people's approval is often the tag-along partner to attachment. This makes sense, as we tend to learn growing up that when we gain someone's approval, we feel that we also gain their love. The issue comes wh

Yesterday we began a series that explores giving up certain things in order to improve or optimize our mental health. Today, let's explore giving up the need to be right. Ooooh, that can be a tough one. Especially when we know that we are right. Haha :) Sometimes our need to be right comes out of a disagreement with someone. When our tempers flare and anger has taken over, we can almost be guaranteed that our need to be right will supercede our ability to see something with

Over the next 5 days, we will explore things that we can give up in order to optimize our emotional health. Today, let's look at giving up complaining . Think about how much we actually complain in a day. The weather isn't as nice as we might want it, someone was rudely unaware of themselves at the grocery store, a loved one did something to annoy us, the price of gas is too high, etc. Further to this, how much do we complain in our own heads, how much do we complain to othe

As we fully enter Autumn, we can begin to prepare for the Winter Solstice which occurs on December 21st. Known as the Shortest Day; Longest Night, it brings us into a time of winter as sacred . Very often at this time of year, we begin to feel the heaviness of the darker days, and we can begin to feel a bit blue, knowing that winter is coming. It is around this time that we can shift our focus into love of season. There is a time for summer, with the sun setting late in the e

I came across this lovely poem by Laura Ding: If the mountain seems too big today, then climb a hill instead. If the morning brings you sadness, its okay to stay in bed. If the day ahead seems heavy and your plans feel like a curse, There's no shame in rearranging; don't make yourself feel worse. If a shower stings like needles, and a bath feels like you'll drown, If you haven't washed your hair in days, don't throw away your crown. A day is not a lifetime, a rest is not de

I often speak of our comfort system - our relaxed state - and how we are meant to be there most of the time. For many people, the pace of life, anxiety or the lingering effects of trauma keeps them in their fight-or-flight system most of time. This can lead us to feeling frayed, frazzled, overwhelmed and exhausted. A past client once spoke about how he goes to water to 'recharge my serenity.' He spoke about growing up near Lake Superior and how going to any body of water and

We tend to afford the people in our life empathy and compassion. Although at times it may be difficult to accept their difficult characteristics or what they can't provide to us, we usually get ourselves to a place of acceptance; understanding that it is less about potential and more about capacity. We encourage and support our loved ones, provide praise for their achievements, forgive their mistakes, and by doing so, give them permission to grow. What about our relationshi

Our inner narrative is the story we tell ourselves. It is the thoughts that pop into our heads, our core beliefs, our internal dialogue . It is also tied to the bigger picture of our story, from our childhood experiences that bind us into chapters of our own lives, to the present moment and how we process each day. We can't change our story; our past is a part of our being, it is what gives us substance. But we can change our inner narrative: Listen to your inner voice and w

I have to say that the magic of Disney is quite unparalleled when it comes to theme parks. Walt Disney was an American entrepreneur and a pioneer in animation; his legacy is truly remarkable. Here are three of my favourite quotes: " We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things because we're curious. And curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." -Walt Disney "Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, dreams are forever." - Walt Disney "If you can dream

I am a big believer in movement for growth. We don't always have to take big steps, but in order for us to not stay stuck in uncertainty, we need a sense of direction and progress to feel the calm. Although there are many stepping stones to growth, here are three to reflect upon: Give yourself permission to heal on a day to day basis. When something happens in our lives that is a challenge, it almost always comes with pain and uncertainty. Due to our natural tendency to avoi

I love this saying by Buddha and will often use it in session: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha This type of anger is not what we would consider immediate anger - those rising up feelings that occur when someone says something to upset you for example. This type of anger is one that falls in the category of hostility or resentment. It is pent up anger, pushed down anger,