I can remember the adventures of my childhood; exploring the back fields and woods with my sister, building forts among the thorn bushes, playing by the 'big pond' - racing over to the tracks to watch a train barreling by. Each adventure had a story. When I came across this poem, it was a lovely reminder of the joy that comes when we seek adventure: Little one remind me  how to run again barefoot through the pathless woods. Show me where the fairies  hide messages in curled 

When it comes to our emotional health, there are a variety of things that if we did less of them, we would actually get more in return. From my work with clients, I would say that these are what I would choose as the top 5: Speak less and listen more. One of the most useful skills I learned in graduate school was how to listen. To listen with the intention of understanding, to get the full picture. We tend to listen with our own emotional filters; coupled with living in a so

Sometimes life can feel as though you have no control over it. That might come from a sinking feeling of what is happening in the world right now, sometimes it can come from our own circumstances - from being too busy or overwhelmed, from being in a job or a relationship that isn't working for us anymore, from struggling to manage grief or a mental illness. Here are some ways to feel empowered: Get outside . Put your face to the sun, feel the breeze on your face. Take a deep

A lovely quote from Morgan Harper Nichols: “I hope you are able to remember what was Light-woven and beautiful. I hope you are able to see to remember what was, and carry the goodness that you will never forget in the direction of what is to come.” ―  Morgan Harper Nichols We have the ability to let others see our light; to brighten a dark path so as to experience the future of where we are going. Sometimes, we may surrender our faith when the weight of the world gets heavy.

Dysfunction in families shows up as does everything else - on a continuum. Sometimes the chaos and abuse is obvious, other times the dysfunction is more subtle. Through my work with clients, I have learned that the roles we are given in childhood, based on some level of dysfunction, has the ability to be carried into our adult lives as it begins to weave itself into our identity. Here are some common roles we carry from childhood: The Caregiver. Most often, this role is crea

I often speak about our emotional system and how it is wired to work for us. With every experience we go through, there is a feeling attached to it. And so why the tendency to suppress? Why do we push them down, set them aside, ignore them completely? Suppressing our feelings catches up to us at some point - by way of a build up - or perhaps we will experience them physically, with pains in our tummies and tightness in our chest. For those who would say that they generally

There comes a time when we realize that we need to create or tighten our boundaries. Perhaps someone is taking advantage of us, we recognize that a relationship has become enmeshed, or we are allowing someone to treat us in a way that isn't acceptable. In any case, we decide that some boundaries have to be set. We can do this in such a way as to make sure that we are moving from the position of "I am important and so are you;" to be calm and kind in our approach. We can pract

Mindful breathing is a conscious exercise; one in which we purposefully carve out some time (even 5 minutes) to pay attention to our breathing. The basics include: Pick a quiet location, free of distraction. Close your eyes and turn your attention inward to your breathing. Slow your breaths; inhale through the nose, expanding your belly. Exhale slowly. If your attention shifts from breathing, that is okay. Gently encourage it back to the simple act of breathing - in and out.

I came across this poem by Walk the Earth: Choose When you fill your mind with thoughts of kindness, love, faith, hope, & joy, your reality will become all of these things. You will start to see kindness in the world. You will start to feel love as you go about your day. You will notice more of the little joys of life. You've tried listening to your fears and doubts and they've never brought you happiness. It's time to start choosing love. It's time you start choosing faith.

Dorothy Law Nolte wrote this poem in 1954. An American writer and family counsellor, she was a mother of 3 and believed in positive parenting. The classic poem is a good reminder that by our own choices we have an impact on our children: Children Learn What They Live - Dorothy Law Nolte If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy. If children live with shame,

We know that we have achieved a healthy place in relationship when we have interdependence ; a secure sense of self is present, while also recognizing the importance of human connection. Being able to maintain a sense of high self-esteem while in relationship includes: Space . When two people are in a healthy relationship, they recognize the need for time apart to pursue personal interests. There is the knowledge that self-care activities are important and that it is okay to

As a therapist, I am always reluctant to agree with the line of thought that encourages anyone to "forget about the past." Looking back is an important element in better understanding our story - we often need to understand how something developed, what patterns were created and why we are often governed by certain dynamics or core beliefs as this helps us to accept . It is an important step in giving ourselves permission to move to change. The amount of "aha moments" that

One of my girls' favourite childhood books was "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. I came across this poem by him that, although most likely written for children, is also a good reminder to everyone as to how to be good citizens: Ations If we meet and I say, 'Hi,' That's a salutation. If you ask me how I feel, That's consideration. If we stop and talk a while, That's a conversation. If we understand each other, That's communication. If we argue, scream and fight, That's an

Resentment can be quite insidious. What may begin as a few annoyances can build to a point where you are holding your loved one in contempt. The anger of contempt comes with its own army....all of those frustrations have now gathered and are ready to fight. You come well armed, yet your loved one isn't prepared for the attack. Dr. John Gottman lists contempt as one of the most destructive negative behaviours in relationships: "Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative

We are now at the Maintenance Stage of the Transtheoretical Model of Change (Prochaska and DiClemente). Characteristics of the maintenance stage include: We are more likely to have formed new habits/behaviour patterns that create for us the ability to stick to our goals. What we had implemented in the action stage is still playing a part, but we may not be as zealous in frequency. (Exercise is a good example.) Our confidence has increased. We feel a sense of accomplishment a

In the fourth stage of the Transtheoretical Model of Change (Prochaska & DiClemente), we move to Action. The characteristics of the action stage include: Tangible, observable behaviour changes. The people around us can see changes and will often comment on them; further encouraging us to keep on track. We have moved from wanting the change to learning what we needed to do to create the change, to actually taking the steps to feel the change. Feeling the change is an importan

Moving right along in our series about the Transtheoretical Model of Change (Prochaska & DiClemente), today we look at Stage 3 which is Preparation . The preparation stage of change has moved to some form of action: Small changes are seen in the preparation stage and we will most likely move to full action in about a month's time. During this phase, we will seek out the information we need in order to make the change happen; examples include: speaking to our doctor, booking a

Yesterday's blog post featured the beginning of a series on the Transtheoretical Model of Change by Prochaska DiClemente. We started with the pre-contemplation stage; today's post features the Contemplation Stage . In the contemplation stage, we have shifted inward to begin thinking about the possibility of change. The characteristics of contemplation include: Understanding that perhaps there are consequences to our actions; that we are potentially either hurting someone e

In the 1970's, James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente developed what is known as the Transtheoretical Model of Change. Sounds big, but it is really a way of understanding how people can change a behaviour or habit and the stages required in order for the change to become structural. It is a integrative model that looks at how a person's behavioural, psychological, and social factors play a part in that process. We will begin a series of posts that look at each stage, includin

Not all coping skills are healthy ones. Over time, we can develop ways of dealing with something unpleasant that appear to help us in the moment, but in fact may contribute to our overall feelings of defeat. Two coping skills we may want to avoid include: Pretending you don't care. We have all done it or heard someone say it. When we feel as though we don't have control over a situation, or feel exasperated, we can exclaim "I don't care anymore." When in fact, we do. Preten