We have all heard the phrase "Time heals all wounds." And perhaps in some instances, it does. Perhaps the passing of time helps move us farther away from what brought us heartache or loss. When it comes to forgiveness ; however, time tends to just pass along. When someone has betrayed us, the hurt has the potential to sit weighted. The bitterness and anger that comes as a result of the betrayal has nowhere to go, so it rolls around inside us, settling down as stones in our

Yesterday's post touched on the importance of being able to step into our potential. Part of that process involves being able to self-reflect about the direction we are going and jotting down some tangible goals to get there. Another part of that process is our internal dialogue - what we tell ourselves. Once we set upon a goal, are we fully supporting it with our thoughts? Or do we find fault with our plans? Do we convince ourselves we don't have the skill, stamina or self-e

I really like this phrase. Not only does it convey that we all have potential, it also provides a nice image. Like the seas standing in front of us, all we need to do to experience its vast promise, is to step forward; to get our feet wet. We all have potential - to be kinder, to be more knowledgeable, to be healthier, to be dedicated, to be thankful - to work towards the goals we have set out for ourselves. But what, ultimately, helps us achieve our potential? What is the o

I came across this quote that reminded me that sometimes, this is exactly the place that growth will bring us: "And then it happens… One day you wake up and you’re in this place. You’re in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is lit. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. You’re at peace. At peace with where you’ve been, at peace with what you’ve been through and at peace with where you’re headed." - Anonymous And that is a lov

Audrey Hepburn, a British actress and humanitarian, worked tirelessly to help children in need. Here are three favourite quotes from this iconic actress: "As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others." - Audrey Hepburn "Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting

Words matter. Ask anyone who has been criticized in their childhood, or bullied with words, and they will tell you that it has long lasting effects. The way we speak to ourselves; therefore, matters. Our internal dialogue is often automatic and we can carry with us the words heard (and now believed) from childhood. Repeat after me: I am worthless. I am ugly. I am unlovable. We can play around with the words "I am" to incorporate almost anything negative. "I will never me

We live in an era where we are conscious of our children's needs; long gone are the days of "children are to be seen and not heard." We want our children to have a voice, we wish for them to be happy, and we desire to know them as individuals. As they age, we can be tempted to befriend our children; we love who they are becoming and the closeness we feel to them can bring us to the friendship line. When we become friends with our children, we run the risk of: creating in the

I love this quote by Morgan Harper Nichols: "One day you will look back and find that you were strong in ways you were not able to see at the time, and you will be grateful for how you chose to keep going even without knowing what the future would be." -MHN When we are in the midst of a challenge, we often can't see our strengths, and our courage is found one day at a time. When we are in the midst of what often feels like a global challenge, we often can't feel the future an

People come to therapy because they are wishing something would change. Sometimes it has to do with someone in their life, sometimes it has to do with themselves; in either case, there are times when we are willing to change, and other times when we have gotten stuck in hoping for change . What is the difference? when we hope for change, we tend to convince ourselves that the future will be different . For example, we may be dissatisfied with a relationship and know that thi

Marianne Williamson says: "In the space of light, darkness disappears. In the space of love, fear disappears." This is simple phrase to remember when we are feeling worried or angry, when we are feeling weighed down. When people are able to bring to light something that has sat in darkness for a long time, they express relief. When we process our worry, we begin to feel more grounded. When we process our anger, we can begin to feel the edges soften. When we choose to act grac

In our last post based on the work of Dr. Paul Gilbert, we look at the Drive System . The Drive System, also known as the Incentive and Resource-Seeking System , is built to help us achieve goals. Its primary function is to motivate us, to provide the incentive for us to accomplish tasks and to seek resources that are going to allow us to survive. Think about our drive to get out of our cozy bed in the morning, the effort we undertake to go for a walk after working all day

Yesterday's post featured the Soothing-Contentment System of emotion regulation according to the work of Dr. Paul Gilbert. Today's post features another system entitled the Threat & Self-Protection System . The main function of this system is to pick up on threats early in order to protect us. This is the system that helps us to survive danger in order to seek safety and will attempt to manage fears. The feelings that are typically associated with this system include anxiety

According to the work of Dr. Paul Gilbert, we have three different systems we use to manage our emotions. These systems are different from each other and yet are designed to work together to help regulate emotion; they include different brain regions and chemistry. This post will begin a three part series in which we examine each of the systems in turn. The Soothing-Contentment System : The main function of this system is to create a system in which we feel the safest. It i

In an article entitled "Chronic pain can change the way your brain processes emotion, scientists find" by Sophie Scott and Mary Lloyd and featured on ABCNews , we read about a group of Australian researchers who have made an interesting discovery between chronic pain and compromised emotional processing: "Associate professor Sylvia Gustin, found patients with chronic pain had lower levels of a substance called glutamate, a key chemical messenger between brain cells that hel

I came across this little poem about giving by Cleo Wade: Doing What You Can With What You've Got And even when I had not a penny in my pocket, I still knew the joy of giving. I gave my time. I gave my spirit. I gave my heart. I gave myself fully to the moment and even through my tears, I gave my smile to the world - it needed it more than I could have imagined. Cleo Wade The act of giving has the potential to aid in our journey of healing. When we set aside our own moments

Let's face it - we live in a society that is focused on both happiness and success. Not unworthy goals by any means, but have we gone too far? Has it moved from something attainable to something that feels far away and impossible to achieve? "I just want to be happy" is a statement I hear over and over again in therapy. I am always curious as to what that might mean for someone; what that would look like, how 'being happy' would feel. After exploring it in more detail, we te

When we think about self-care, we often think about the things we do to support and honour ourselves and the time we set aside in order to achieve those tasks. Here is a reminder of some self-care words that, being on our radar, help us to create a satisfying and joyful life: Growth . Are we moving forward? Creating goals for ourselves? The path to progress is movement. Acceptance . Of ourselves; of others. Of knowing that we often can only control our reaction to something

I love this quote by Jo Coudert: "Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose to the question of your life. You are the only answer to the problems of your life. You are the only solution." - Jo Coudert Although it is also a necessary process to be supported by our inner circle of loved ones, it starts with us. When we aim to be our own advocate, strive to rise to challenge, make ourselves important and listen to our instin

In yesterday's post, we looked at the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth one; today's post we look at ways that we can increase your growth mindset: Work at improving your self-esteem . Although this may seem like a big one, it is a worthy goal and there are many ways to improve self-esteem; everything from taking an objective look at your qualities, to therapy, to self-help books or courses designed to create a more accurate self-image. Surround yourself with ot

When we think about our ability to best support our emotional health, we can reflect upon our mindset. Based on the work by Dr. Carol Dweck, we learn that when we have a fixed mindset, we tend to believe that our character, personality and intelligence are innate and static, whereas when we have a growth mindset, we believe that those same qualities can be continuously developed. People with a fixed mindset tend to be self-critical and will avoid challenges. A fixed mindset