I came across this quote from Dodinsky: Healing A memory visited my heart. It mumbled the same story as the previous days. I usually dismiss it with tears. But today is different. Today I released it with a smile. - Dodinsky We come to a point in our healing when something within us changes. It can come from an aha moment or it can arrive without fanfare. It is a moment in time when we realize we have healed from a past hurt, when we have given ourselves permission to feel o

I am a big believer in some form of daily self-care. That might be the way that you start your morning - 10 minutes of meditation, prayers, stretching or yoga - or it might be a reset at lunch with a 15 minute walk in the fresh air. Our bits of self-care can be scattered throughout the day when we consciously choose to listen to music when making dinner, soak in a lavender-scented tub, light a candle. It can be the space that we make to watch the birds landing on the feeder,

Building on our post from yesterday, today we will look at how to begin to challenge our negative core beliefs. The first step, and often what brings people to therapy, is to identify them . Usually, the messages we received consistently are often found in the "unspoken rules in the family," and can be tied to what role we play in the family. Examples that I have heard from clients: "As long as we were there to work, we were valued." "I have never felt good enough in her eyes

When we are little, we have a very blurred line between need and want. As part of our attachment system, and the inherent knowledge that we can't survive without our caregivers, we are quite egocentric as children. As our rational brain develops, we begin to think of ourselves outside of others and by adulthood, have a much clearer delineation between what we need and what we want (or at least we hope so!) As a result of our egocentricity, we internalize everything as child

Sometimes our thoughts get the better of us. That can happen because of our naturally occurring negative bias , it can stem from our core beliefs, they can be an automatic response to a frustrating or negative experience. What we do with those thoughts; however, is our choice. We can feed them or we can reframe them: "I can't do this" to "I am going to give it another try." (Take a few deep breaths first!) "I'm not good at this" to "What am I missing?" "I'm done or I gi

We know that in order to have a relationship with someone, it will require commitment. There are times when we perceive that being in a committed relationship means we have surrendered to it. This perception most likely has been created partly by society and the notion that "marriage comes with a ball and chain;" it can also come from learned attitudes/experiences of those in our family of origin. Being in a healthy relationship does require consideration of the other, at t

We all have instances where we have felt hurt by another. There are times when we can accept and heal ourselves from those wounds, and then there are those we treasure. We think about them, talk about them, we keep them fresh by reliving the hurtful things that were said or done to us. Sometimes those wounds come from childhood; other times from feelings unresolved. It may be a person from our past, or one in our present, but we struggle to accept it; in our focus of the tre

We all have experienced failure; trying something that didn't succeed, making mistakes, not trying hard enough. In the aftermath of realizing that we have made a mistake, or have failed ourselves or others in some way, our internal dialogue can often perpetuate the cycle of failure by reinforcing our insecurities and shameful feelings. We are much better served to view failure as a necessary part of our learned experience - reframing failure in the context of our internal dia

I loved this passage by Francis Weller: "The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That's how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I'll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I'll become saccharine and won't develop much compassion for other people's suffering. Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible."

I will often see clients in therapy who are looking to date again yet are worried about repeating the same patterns as in their past relationships. When they begin to navigate the dating world, we have worked on some ground rules: Know what you bring to the table . One of the activities I will often get them to do is write out a full page of their qualities, characteristics, values and interests that they bring to the relationships in their life. This acts as a good reminder

This is a quote I came across by Morgan Harper Nichols and it embodies for me the essence of my job as a therapist; touching as well on the deep respect I have for another person’s story. Empathy: Let me hold the door for you. I may have never walked a mile in your shoes, but I can see that your soles are worn and your strength is torn under the weight of a story I have never lived before. So let me hold the door for you. After all you’ve walked through, it’s the least I can

I love this passage by writer, Victoria Erickson: "There are certain people that'll inhabit a small, quiet space inside your heart despite any circumstance, happening, or situation. They left a piece of themselves when your souls collided upon impact. And there they'll always subtly remain." - Victoria Erickson There are times in our lives where someone we loved is no longer present. Perhaps through their passing, or a relationship that was not meant to last a lifetime. Pe

I came across this cute meme the other day that struck a chord with me. It went as follows: Me: I need some help around here Also me: No, not like that, here I'll do it. I can remember when I first began asking my youngest daughter to take the laundry in off the clothesline, I would remark to myself how she certainly did not fold them like I did. And I also have to admit, that in the beginning, I would refold them when she wasn't looking. Tsk. Tsk. Routine and developed pat

In a former post, we explored the importance of the balance of well being . One of the areas that often gets neglected is our spiritual side; the part of us that seeks deeper connection with the world around us. Spirituality as defined in the Webster's Dictionary : attachment to all that concerns the life of the soul // the quality of being spiritual. And the definition of the word soul: the vital principle which moves and animates all life. For some people, spirituality

We often hear the phrase "just think positively" as a strategy to replace negative thoughts with positive ones; the reality is, it's not that easy. Our negative thought patterns are often ingrained as a rumination loop in our brain, getting stuck on what feels like an endless cycle; our actions often follow, reinforcing core beliefs. Positive affirmations can help. The definition of affirmation is: the action or process of affirming something or being affirmed . It stands t

You decided something needed to change; perhaps that involved a decision with your health ("I am going to exercise more"), a boundary that needed to be set ("I am no longer going to answer 'baiting' texts") or a self-care goal ("I am going to meditate every morning.") When we establish goals we are full of motivation. Fueled by a feeling of "that's it, something has to change," we feel confident in our decision to establish a new habit and have faith we can get ourselves the

In an article entitled "The Top 10 Self-Care Strategies for Stress Reduction" by Elizabeth Scott and featured on verywell mind, we are reminded of some of the basics of self care and that sometimes we can let good habits slide, such as maintaining the right amount of sleep and getting proper nutrition. Two points that I especially appreciated: Have the right attitude: Scott talks about the importance of leaning into an optimistic frame of mind and having positive affirmatio

I stumbled upon this quote about hiking (author unknown): Hiking is a bit like life: The journey only requires you to put one foot in front of the other....again and again and again. And if you allow yourself opportunity to be present throughout the entirety of the trek, you will witness beauty every step of the way, not just at the summit. Very often, the "summit" is our goal. We fall into the notions of society that if we earn a certain amount of money, own more things,

We often avoid change; it has enough associations to fear and negative results that sometimes just the thought of something changing can lead us to try and sidestep it. Sometimes however; change is inevitable and we are faced with a choice. That choice can be exciting (such as the prospect of a new job) or it can be difficult (ending an unhealthy relationship). We can do our list of pros and cons, talk to our best friend about how they would proceed, we can bring it to therap

I love this quote by Brooke Hampton : "I am pieces of all the places I have been, and the people I have loved. I've been stitched together by song lyrics, book quotes, adventure, late night conversations, moonlight, and the smell of coffee." Our experiences help develop us; but more importantly than that, it is our awareness of how we are shaped by life that truly allows us to appreciate how nuanced and beautiful our souls are. Every single person has a quote similar to this