Yesterday's post featured the importance of a village of attachment for our children. It is the concept that embraces the notion that "it takes a village to raise a child," and how kinship and community can provide adult relationships of attachment for children in addition to their parents. In westernized society, the nuclear family has moved farther and farther away from the concept of village, and has become insular. Some ways that we can begin to move towards cultivating

My sister and I grew up away from family as my parents settled in a small Ontario town for a job opportunity. As a result, we saw our maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins only a few times a year. Although we were close and loved going to Massachusetts, the physical distance didn't allow us to fully take advantage of our 'village of attachment.' The African saying of "It takes a village to raise a child," is a rather accurate reflection of what our attachment vill

It is surprising how much energy can play a role in our mental health. Here are 5 interesting facts about it: A body in motion stays in motion. Newton's Law of Physics applies to us as well; when we have a plan for our day and begin to work through our list, we generate and sustain energy. This allows us to feel accomplished and productive. According to the law of conservation, energy can not be created or destroyed - it can only be transformed . This helps us to see the im

The words "I am" have the power to bring that energy into your life. I came across this lovely affirmation by Carly Marie: I AM GROUNDED My spirit is grounded deep in the earth. I am calm, strong, centered and peaceful. I am able to let go of fear and trust that I am eternally safe. I am worthy of all things BEAUTIFUL. - Carly Marie When we can shift our focus into an energy that we want to increase in our lives, it has the potential to create that which you seek. Photo b

Communication in relationships takes work. It is one of those things that doesn't always come easily; firstly, due to our emotional brain and how it likes to trump our rational brain , and secondly, we have often learned unhealthy communication patterns throughout our relationship history. When we get annoyed or angry with someone, it is often a natural response to lean into attention seeking behaviours. In those moments, we have shifted to a focus on being right; on having

In order to experience growth in our lives, we need to be curious. It is, after all, the greatest challenger of fear. When our fear response is activated, we become very focused on what threatens us - both real and perceived. It is the perceived fears that will hold us back; that will keep us stuck. When we begin to question the validity of the fear, we begin to loosen its grip. "Does it have to be this way?" "What would happen if I looked at this differently?" "What would

I was given this poem by a client and I was struck by how much I resonated with its enlightening words: Grief I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was a sad time That followed the death of someone you love. And you had to push through it To get to the other side. But I'm learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through. But rather, There is absorption. Adjustment. Acceptance. And grief is not something that you complete. But rather you endure. Grief is not a

To love someone unconditionally takes a conscious effort. We have our own value systems, attitudes, opinions and beliefs. We have ways we like to do things, habits that have formed over time, and individualised experiences that help form who we are in relationship . And as a result, if we are not careful, love can become conditional. It can be overt or implied; conditional love involves a 'set of rules' that one must follow to feel approval and acceptance from their loved one

We have all heard that connection is an essential component to our well-being. Here are five facts about connection that can help to understand and solidify its importance: Human connection leads to a longer life span . When we are socially connected, we tend to be less lonely and isolated. This can add years to our life. Connection leads to greater fulfillment . When we feel joy and meaning in our experiences, it increases the feel good hormone of dopamine. Lower levels of a

How do we buy into something, and how do we know when our commitment (or someone else's) is solid? I suppose one way to know is to examine the varying degrees of commitment. First we have compliance ; defined as the action or fact of complying with a wish or command . Sometimes compliance simply comes by way of obligations - to our job, to running a household, etc. Sometimes it is met with some resistance - think of our teenager and our requirement that they keep their room

Being in limbo is a difficult place to be. We tend to like direction, feel better when we sense movement. If the circumstances of our lives create for us a time of limbo, perhaps one of the ways we can cope is to begin to see this time as the 'space between.' The ending of a relationship, the loss of a job. The process of grief and our year of firsts. The summer before we enter college, the unknowns associated with just about anything. We often struggle with limbo; leanin

There are always going to be things that end up not being in our control. Situations where our hands are tied and we are darned if we do and darned if we don't. What is in our control are the situations in which we tie our own hands; ones that we can recognize really aren't getting us anywhere at the end of the day. Some examples include: People pleasing. When we say yes automatically without asking ourselves if we have the time, energy and support to do so, we bind ourselve

I love this passage by Yung Pueblo: the biggest shift in your life happens when you go inward. you step in and observe all that you find with acceptance; the love you bring lights up your self-awareness; you start seeing how the past is packed into your mind and heart - patience, honesty, and observation start the healing process. with time, intention, and good healing practices, the past loses its power over your life. you continue the process - stepping in, feeling, under

Sometimes we just need a minute or two to re-set our system. Perhaps we have been triggered by something that is upsetting, we may feel anxious about a ruminating thought or worry, we may be riled up because of something someone said or did. We know that anything delivered calmly is going to carry more weight than when it is delivered with too much emotion. Here are some ways that we focus on the re-set, in order to find our pause: Focus on your breath. It is something that w

In our last post in this series on codependency, we look at how to create a healthier space in relationships so as to lessen codependent habits. It is important to note that when trying to create a healthier relationship, both parties have to be on board. If only one person is doing the work to create structural change, it is not effective. In many circumstances, the only choice that remains is to leave a codependent relationship. When we notice that codependency might be

Yesterday we looked at the definition of codependency in relationships and the impact that it can have on both our sense of self and the relationship itself. Anyone can become codependent; the first step in moving towards a healthier way of being is through work on the self. The tendency to become codependent can come from childhood; if you had an alcoholic parent, you probably learned some enabling behaviours from family members; perhaps you were also parentified by your

The term codependency is heard often when describing an unhealthy relationship. But what is codependency and how can we move towards a healthier way of interacting with our loved ones? This series on codependent relationships will attempt to answer those questions. We first learned of codependency in addiction literature. It referred to the unhealthy dynamic that exists between the addict and their partner/loved one, in which there was a taking care of to the point of enabl

The following passage was found on a post from Youth Mental Health Canada: "Hello, my name is Jack Linklater Jr. I live in Attawapiskat, Ontario. I am Cree and proud to be. I live along the James Bay shorelines, the lowlands of the Mushkegowuk territory. My message to you if you're having a hard time: Look to the tree, as it shows you to stand tall and proud. Look to the rock, as it shows you the strength you need. Look to the river as it shows you to keep moving forward in l

When I first read this quote by Eckhart Tolle, I paused. And then I said "Yes." "What a liberation to realize that the 'voice in my head' is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that." - Eckhart Tolle We can be so bound by our thoughts. Because they can also be very automatic and instant, we believe them. When exploring automatic thoughts in therapy, it is important to go back - most of the time, our thoughts are linked to core beliefs formed in childhood. Because we

When we work in jobs where we sit for periods of time, only to come home and plunk ourselves down on the couch to watch TV, we probably are not contributing enough time to the concept of movement. Here are some things to keep in mind: Movement is 'meditation in motion .' I don't remember where I heard that phrase, but it is so true. My daily walks are my thinking time; I do my best processing out on the trail. Exercise increases improved focusing. Images of the brain before