Sometimes it is nice to simply learn five fun facts about something. Today's topic? Boredom : Boredom is described as the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest. Feeling bored is a common feeling and at times, is unavoidable. Boredom is the psychological feeling of missing something. We often mistake feeling bored for feeling empty; this can lead us to looking for something to 'fill ourselves.' Boredom is also linked to control. If we feel we don't have c

This lovely passage is by Nikki Banas and it is entitled "Always Gentle:" Always Gentle My beautiful friend, be gentle with yourself and your soul...Be kind to yourself when you feel like you've failed or when you feel like you just can't get things right. Know that your mistakes only feel big right now, but soon they'll just be little moments of the past. And also know that they don't define your future; you can still grow and become in every way that you want to.... Be ge

The definition of gaslighting is: to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Essentially, it is a rewriting of events to convince someone they happened a certain way. The term comes from a 1938 stage play called Gaslight (and two film adaptations), in which a husband attempts to convince his wife of her own insanity by dimming the lights in their home (powered by gas), then denies that the lights change when the wife asks him about them.

We live in a society where we are over-committed and over-consumed. Where the amount of likes we get on social media has the power to affect our mood, where we strive for the 'next best thing,' where we function at a pace that eventually brings us to that place where we are simply going through the motions. We are much better served to create a balance - for our calendar, our time, for what we spend our money on. Here are some things to consider: “Simplicity is not about depr

It really isn't difficult to have negative thoughts. We all have a negative bias based on our survival brain, we have core beliefs from childhood, and depending on our circumstances, we may be feeling crummy which can lead to bleak or defeatist thoughts. By why is it so important to keep them in check? Because when we give negative thoughts too much attention, we run the risk of misperceiving ourselves and our loved ones. Our core beliefs fight for space; they ultimately

If you are a regular reader of my blog, by now you have heard me say many times that we are a relationship species. We also thrive on healthy connections with our loved ones; our sense of security is directly linked to those connections. Dr. John Gottman has coined the term bids for connection as 'turning towards' your partner. When we make an emotional bid to our loved ones, we are attempting to connect. Both giving and accepting the bid fills our emotional bank account. W

There was a time in psychology, where the idea was that if we vented our anger, it would be cathartic. Punching pillows while screaming, couples being guided in therapy to hitting each other with foam noodles , a 'timed' argument where you could angrily vent everything that made you cross about the person in front of you. It was believed that anger needed to be expressed, and doing so would create a cathartic release. Does this actually work? Anger is an emotion that elicits

Sometimes we get the feeling that we just aren't thinking clearly. We may know that we need to change something, we may instinctively know what is good for us, but we seem to lack the full clarity necessary to understand what is holding us back. Two things that will get in the way of clarity: Self-limiting beliefs. Nothing will hold you back faster than the poor me cycle . Believing that you can never get ahead, wondering why you can never catch a break, lamenting as to your

When life begins to feel like its dragging its heels, when we are faced with a challenge, we can often lean into the negative feelings that come with those types of situations. Although we need to be able to be comfortable with discomfort, we always run the risk of following those negative thoughts down the rabbit hole. Here are some wise words from Marianne Williamson on the process of finding light in the dark: "The darkness is an invitation to light, calling forth the spi

We have all heard the caution around the word "should." When we use it in regards to ourselves or to others, it can often become accompanied with guilt, unrealistic expectations, and/or judgment. The same can be said for rigid language in general. When we use the words 'always' or 'never' when speaking about behaviours, choices, and/or conduct, we can set ourselves up to be critical (regardless of our intention.) "You always......" "You never......" "I will always....."

Yesterday's blog post touched on the need to maintain a continuously positive state, so much so that you leave both yourself and others feeling minimized and invalidated. By overgeneralizing an optimistic state, we miss the boat on genuine emotional experiences. In order to create balance to positivity, you can: Begin by slowing down the immediate response. People who tend to jump to the positivity wagon often do so too quickly. Take a few deep breaths and make more room for

Ever meet someone who is so consistently positive that it begins to feel like you never get to know them? A pleasure to talk to, yet keeps things so rosy, you begin to experience an 'uber-positive' divide? To answer the question, "Is there such a thing as being too positive?" The answer is yes. People who tend to only look on the bright side inadvertently dismiss not only their own feelings, but those around them as well. Their need to create an optimistic state begins to t

We all love the iconic Peanuts gang; here are some of my favourite quotes to brighten your day: “Happiness is anyone and anything that’s loved by you.” – Charles M. Schulz , Charlie Brown. "All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!" – Charles M. Schulz, Lucy. "It’s just human nature…we all need someone to kiss us goodbye." – Charles M. Schulz, Marcie. "In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back." – Charles M. Schulz , Charlie Brow

Got something bugging you? Have feelings that you have the tendency to simply push away? Have an issue you refuse to do anything about? I often remark to clients that there is a fine line between distraction and avoidance, and only one is good for you. The difference lies in two variables: acknowledgement and action. When we avoid something that we need to address, or ignore the way we are feeling, we skip over acknowledgement and there is no room for plan, direction or re

As parents, there are going to be times when we disagree with each other and an argument might ensue; one that the children witness, regardless of our efforts to slow it down. An exception to the rule is often manageable and won't create long lasting effects; however chronic parental conflict will. Our home is set up to be a safe place; one in which we don't experience ongoing conflict or chaos; meant to provide security and consistency in care. When parents (either living

We all have a window of tolerance. It's that space between our patient state and our "I'm going to lose it" state. For some, that transpires to irritability and anger - to others, an eruption of tears; it can also manifest into a shut-down, don't approach me state. Sometimes, our reaction can be a combination of any of the above. In any case, when we push past our window of tolerance, we often act in ways that we regret. We have moved past our open minded, listening place,

I have quoted Morgan Harper Nichols many times on this blog. I love the way she composes her words to reach how we can feel on any given day. This quote wraps up our small series on resilience: "There will be days when you are certain you are over it. There will be days you feel everything all over again. But no matter the day, there will be songs to listen to. And when you don't feel like singing, there will be rhythms to breathe to, for grace is still at work in you." - Mor

Yesterday's post looked at the importance of our mindset when building resilience. Today, we look at well being and how it can contribute to the overall level of resilience we have in dealing with stress, a situation out of our control, loss, trauma. One of the greatest factors that contributes to our well being is when, upon examination, we feel good about our lives. Paramount to feeling an overall sense of satisfaction is the amount of personal control we have within them

Resilience is defined as "the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness." It is a psychological quality that allows us to recover from challenges, and in hindsight, to acknowledge those challenges as times of personal growth. How is it that some people seem to be more resilient than others? Although there are contributing factors such as early life experiences and genetics that can't be modified, we can build resilience. Today's post will feature building re

We have learned that there is an importance of choosing relaxing activities that will help counter the effects of stress. When feeding our comfort system, here are some things to consider: We allow our brain to process new information. Ever have a day that is go, go, go, only to lay in bed thinking about everything you put aside all day? Finding ways to rest allows you time to process during our wakeful hours. We honour our body. Our bodies need time to counter stress indu