We can all struggle with acceptance at times. Perhaps we don't understand why something happened as it did, perhaps we feel the sting of betrayal, perhaps something we wish would change isn't, or perhaps the reality of the situation is one we just don't want to face. In any case, acceptance is always going to be a part of our growth and movement forward. Two key components of acceptance include: Acknowledgement. How does the old saying go? You can't change what you don't ac

Sometimes we are faced with an issue or a situation that has us stuck in terms of a response. We may have an immediate emotional reaction to what has happened, but we want to handle it in such as way as to reinforce the position of "I am important and so are you." A co-worker keeps undermining you, a friend perpetually cancels on your planned dates, your partner said something to you that angered you or hurt your feelings. There is a part of you that wants to "keep the peac

I guess the most neutral answer is that it depends. Sometimes our stubbornness can be a productive tool in moving forward in our goals - especially if we have had setbacks that threaten to get us off track. Sometimes in our values, there is a determined air that keeps us from making choices that may be unhealthy. Being stubborn; however can also at times proves troublesome. If we are too rigid in our thinking and we try to 'force' an issue, or someone's choice in a matter, w

In yesterday's post we learned what ego states are and why they are important to our understanding of the choices that we sometimes automatically make. We learned about child ego states where we end up feeling small, and parent ego states, where we seek to feel powerful. Essentially, neither one of these ego states is where we want to stay - we may land there in default, but it is important for us to recognize how we are feeling and pull out of it. A good gauge to assess wh

I like to say that within us there are many different parts. And when we are feeling good, confident, and strong, those parts work together like a well-oiled machine. When we are feeling vulnerable; however, some of those parts begin to work independently of each other, or can come into conflict within ourselves. The psychological definition we use for describing these parts are ego states . Everybody has them and we all experience them. We tend to shift into an ego state wh

Perhaps one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to 'give ourselves permission.' Very often, we are held back in our growth as our patterns or associations have cemented habits, beliefs or attitudes that are no longer serving us. We are in a much better position to ask ourselves "Does it have to be this way?" From there, we can begin the gentle process of giving ourselves permission to: Look at something in a different perspective. To heal. To ask for help

In therapy, we often hear the phrase, "let's unpack that." Those words provide an image that we can work with to further explore. Think about the last time you were on vacation and brought your suitcase. When I get to my destination, I like to hang my good clothes in a closet that has all the hangers ready for me; I put my casual clothes in the dresser, and my cosmetics in the bathroom. Doing so allows me to feel organized and hopeful as I feel ready and excited for my week

Yesterday's post explored the difference between an impulsive choice and a skillful one. Today's post walks through an example; it is one that is universal and is tied to a pretty common impulsive (and therefore emotional) choice. I am sitting in front of the TV and it is about 8 pm at night. I think to myself "Hmmm, I wonder what I could eat," and I go to the pantry and open its doors. "I could eat some chips, make some popcorn, have a few cookies or a chocolate bar. Maybe

We make choices every day. Sometimes those choices fall into daily living activities such as what we might eat for lunch. Sometimes our choices are emotionally tied to us, such as how we might respond to a text or a comment. Sometimes our choices line up to a bigger life decision, such as whether or not to make a career change. In any case, we can make an impulsive choice or a skillful one. Impulsive choices are linked to emotion. They are the decisions we make on the fly, b

Yesterday's post touched on the importance of being able to step into our potential. Part of that process involves being able to self-reflect about the direction we are going and jotting down some tangible goals to get there. Another part of that process is our internal dialogue - what we tell ourselves. Once we set upon a goal, are we fully supporting it with our thoughts? Or do we find fault with our plans? Do we convince ourselves we don't have the skill, stamina or self-e

I really like this phrase. Not only does it convey that we all have potential, it also provides a nice image. Like the seas standing in front of us, all we need to do to experience its vast promise, is to step forward; to get our feet wet. We all have potential - to be kinder, to be more knowledgeable, to be healthier, to be dedicated, to be thankful - to work towards the goals we have set out for ourselves. But what, ultimately, helps us achieve our potential? What is the o

People come to therapy because they are wishing something would change. Sometimes it has to do with someone in their life, sometimes it has to do with themselves; in either case, there are times when we are willing to change, and other times when we have gotten stuck in hoping for change . What is the difference? when we hope for change, we tend to convince ourselves that the future will be different . For example, we may be dissatisfied with a relationship and know that thi

Let's face it - we live in a society that is focused on both happiness and success. Not unworthy goals by any means, but have we gone too far? Has it moved from something attainable to something that feels far away and impossible to achieve? "I just want to be happy" is a statement I hear over and over again in therapy. I am always curious as to what that might mean for someone; what that would look like, how 'being happy' would feel. After exploring it in more detail, we te

In yesterday's post, we looked at the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth one; today's post we look at ways that we can increase your growth mindset: Work at improving your self-esteem . Although this may seem like a big one, it is a worthy goal and there are many ways to improve self-esteem; everything from taking an objective look at your qualities, to therapy, to self-help books or courses designed to create a more accurate self-image. Surround yourself with ot

When we think about our ability to best support our emotional health, we can reflect upon our mindset. Based on the work by Dr. Carol Dweck, we learn that when we have a fixed mindset, we tend to believe that our character, personality and intelligence are innate and static, whereas when we have a growth mindset, we believe that those same qualities can be continuously developed. People with a fixed mindset tend to be self-critical and will avoid challenges. A fixed mindset

In a recent article entitled "5 Tips to Calm a Restless Mind Before Going to Sleep" by Jade Wu and featured on Psychology Today, Wu features some tips for falling asleep that are creative and can use our imagination to help guide our minds into feeling calmer and more settled. Two that I especially found compelling (quoted): Transfer lingering thoughts from your brain to paper. "Your brain is juggling thoughts and working hard to keep them spinning because—goodness forbid—yo

Daily affirmations are an important way to keep ourselves on track when it comes to achieving optimal emotional health. By saying something that is affirming to ourselves, we replace old patterns of thought that may be limiting us. Daily affirmations increase our confidence and allow us to stay focused on our value. Typically, affirmations are more effective when they are concise and they begin with the words "I am." We can create our own affirmations based on specific goals

Yesterday we touched on three hobbies that tend to be shown in the research as promoting our sense of well-being. Today we will explore three more activities we can engage in that can help sustain good emotional health: Music . Playing it or listening to it, music helps us to feel connected to our inner self. Nothing gets us feeling nostalgic as a song from our high school days or the songs we recall from our childhood. Music can not only naturally lift our mood, we can use

I would probably say that any interest or hobby that you are enthusiastic about, is worth its weight in gold for your emotional health. This post will feature three that we tend to see over and over again in the research as contributing to sustaining optimum emotional health: Walking. Walking is probably our most natural form of exercise; we are moving forward (optimal to growth, what a wonderful way to make that concept physical!) When we walk outside, and in nature, we ha

Compliments are powerful. We may not think that a few words of praise will do much; however, compliments are probably the easiest way to show someone you appreciate them. Sometimes we may struggle in giving a compliment; perhaps you were not praised very much as a child, perhaps you ascribe to the belief that giving someone a compliment is going to "give them a big head," perhaps you wait to be complimented first. Regardless of the reason, verbally appreciating someone feels