I came across this lovely passage by Emily McDowell: "Finding yourself" is not really how it works. You aren't a ten-dollar bill in last winter's coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people's opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. "Finding yourself" is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before

In our quest to build healthy relationships, we require commitment - from both parties. Regardless of the relationship we are committing to -partner, friend, loved ones - the essentials are the same: Our thoughts about commitment align. Gary Zukav says that when we commit to a relationship, we put ourselves in another person's keeping. We have trusted them to have our best interests at heart, and promise, in return, to do the same. Our actions follow our words. Commitment

We often speak about the need for creating and setting boundaries as not only a means of self-care, but also as a way to allow ourselves to feel some peace in our relationships that prove to be challenging. Boundary setting however, can prove to be emotionally difficult. We can often struggle with the inner dissonance that they create (changing the way we do things often does) as well as the reaction that others may have to our decisions (we usually get tested before the ne

There are always going to be times when we feel compelled to chime in on an issue. Whether it be at work or in our relationships, sometimes we  feel it necessary to state our concern, opinion or idea. What does it mean to take a passive position? This is not about being passive, but rather taking a position that is more passive in nature. Pros: We have slowed down our immediate response button. When we take a position that is passive initially, we allow ourselves time to g

I came across this quote by Anne Lamott: “It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said 'do the best you can with these, they will have to do'. And mostly, against all odds, they do.” ― Anne Lamott, Traveling

We all need the wise words of Disney characters once in awhile. Here are some favourites: "Never let your wings be stolen from you." - Maleficent "The cover is not the book, so open it up and take a look." - Mary Poppins "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it." - Rafiki "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Winnie the Pooh "Happiness is the richest thing we will ever o

We all know both the physical and emotional toll that stress can take on us. Here are four practical tips in reducing every day, life-catches-up-to-us, stress: Prepare for the next day. An evening routine that allows us to plan for the next day helps us to feel that we are one step ahead of the stress. This can include making tomorrow's lunch(es), setting out the outfit you intend to wear, checking your calendar and writing out a to-do list. Sometimes neatening the house can

Acceptance is what I consider to be one of the most powerful factors in feeling safe and secure. When we feel accepted by the people who love us, it gives us the freedom to seek a content and satisfying life. But what about self-acceptance? How important is that element in feeling secure? The unconditional connections we build with others helps to sustain us; we are always better served when we have a strong, supportive circle. But self-acceptance is also key in creating a p

We are often told to not sweat the small stuff, that it is the simple things that matter. I came across this poem that captured that sentiment well: Dance beneath the moonlit sky, With stars as your guide, Let laughter be your compass, Your heart forever wide, For when the chapters close, And memories softly rise, You'll find the little things, Were treasures in disguise. - Adriana Poloz Photo by malith d karunarathne on Unsplash

I love this passage by Kahlil Gibran: "He said, "And what is it to work with love? It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth. It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house. It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy, even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit. It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit. Work is l

Today we look at our spiritual self. We often can disregard this part if we view spirituality as solely religious in nature. For some people, their spiritual self does include religion, and for others it doesn't. The soul work that we explore here involves achieving a greater sense of the sacred, the divine force within ourselves. Some of the ways that we can create optimal growth in our spiritual self includes: Nature . One of the easiest ways to connect to the sacred is to

In our series on re-connecting with our different selves, today we focus on our intellectual self and the health of our brain: Be creative . Part of what keeps our brain working well and our ability to be open minded is creativity. It might be to try something new, consider a new hobby or interest, decide to learn a new skill. Consciously choose what we pay attention to . What do our social media newsfeeds look like? Are we mindlessly watching TV? What about our podcasts? Wha

Yesterday's post began a series on re-connecting with our different selves. Today we look at our emotional or psychological self and how we can work to enhance it's optimal health: Self-reflection. This is one of the most important elements of psychological movement and growth. When we have an overall goal to examine our internal space; how we view ourselves, our developed patterns, the relationship dynamics we have formed and how our past has impacted us, we open up the doo

There are times when we recognize that we aren't feeling balanced. Perhaps we are putting emphasis on things that take us away from ourselves; perhaps life gets in the way and we find ourselves on the back burner. In any case, when we recognize that we are feeling a bit uncentered, we can begin to incorporate small things that will make a difference over time - leading us to feeling an overall sense of groundedness. We have sides of our self that include physical, emotional,

We know the overall effects of being criticized leads to lower self-esteem and a tendency to self-doubt. Anyone who has been criticized as a child can attest to its pervasiveness and the amount of work it takes to change the internal dialogue that has formed as a result. The sneaky side of criticism is that it often comes with good intention. As parents, we can struggle with thinking, "If I don't point out what he/she is doing wrong, how will they ever learn?" The good inte

I especially like this poem written by Ralph Waldo Emerson: He said, "Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered

We like things to feel right; our innate need for feeling safe likes neutrality, homeostasis, the feeling that all is right in the world.  But we also have a system that is built to survive; our instincts help to decipher threat. When our comfort system is threatened, we often struggle with the discomfort that brings. We want the feeling to immediately go away, and when it doesn't, our anxiety rises and we begin to feel out of control. As a result, we will try and return to

Yesterday's post explored the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger as a way to begin to understand emotional eating. When we use food as a way to deal with emotional needs, we create a vicious cycle; the food temporarily brings us a 'full' feeling, but at a cost as we usually create a second emotional response of guilt and remorse. Perhaps one of the most conscious ways to end emotional eating is to promote and choose ways to reduce overall stress. Second

To some extent, we can all fall prey to emotional or mindless eating. Sometimes, the food is right in front of us and it tempts us into having some, hungry or not. But what happens when emotional eating becomes our go-to? Stressed? Reach for something to satisfy. Sad? Reach for something to feel comforted. Bored? Where are the chips? When we are dealing with a negative emotion, it tends to create an empty feeling inside of us . In order to try and 'fill' that emptiness, we

When we begin to explore loneliness more closely, we can also recognize its close relationship to depression. But what comes first - depression or loneliness? Well, I suppose that it depends. :) We are a relationship species and seek connection in order to feel secure and safe. This doesn't always mean an intimate partner; however, living without someone to share life with can often increase the amount of time we may have to battle the blues. When we seek solitude, that feel