Yesterday's post began a series on re-connecting with our different selves. Today we look at our emotional or psychological self and how we can work to enhance it's optimal health: Self-reflection. This is one of the most important elements of psychological movement and growth. When we have an overall goal to examine our internal space; how we view ourselves, our developed patterns, the relationship dynamics we have formed and how our past has impacted us, we open up the doo

There are times when we recognize that we aren't feeling balanced. Perhaps we are putting emphasis on things that take us away from ourselves; perhaps life gets in the way and we find ourselves on the back burner. In any case, when we recognize that we are feeling a bit uncentered, we can begin to incorporate small things that will make a difference over time - leading us to feeling an overall sense of groundedness. We have sides of our self that include physical, emotional,

We know the overall effects of being criticized leads to lower self-esteem and a tendency to self-doubt. Anyone who has been criticized as a child can attest to its pervasiveness and the amount of work it takes to change the internal dialogue that has formed as a result. The sneaky side of criticism is that it often comes with good intention. As parents, we can struggle with thinking, "If I don't point out what he/she is doing wrong, how will they ever learn?" The good inte

I especially like this poem written by Ralph Waldo Emerson: He said, "Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered

We like things to feel right; our innate need for feeling safe likes neutrality, homeostasis, the feeling that all is right in the world. But we also have a system that is built to survive; our instincts help to decipher threat. When our comfort system is threatened, we often struggle with the discomfort that brings. We want the feeling to immediately go away, and when it doesn't, our anxiety rises and we begin to feel out of control. As a result, we will try and return to

Yesterday's post explored the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger as a way to begin to understand emotional eating. When we use food as a way to deal with emotional needs, we create a vicious cycle; the food temporarily brings us a 'full' feeling, but at a cost as we usually create a second emotional response of guilt and remorse. Perhaps one of the most conscious ways to end emotional eating is to promote and choose ways to reduce overall stress. Second

To some extent, we can all fall prey to emotional or mindless eating. Sometimes, the food is right in front of us and it tempts us into having some, hungry or not. But what happens when emotional eating becomes our go-to? Stressed? Reach for something to satisfy. Sad? Reach for something to feel comforted. Bored? Where are the chips? When we are dealing with a negative emotion, it tends to create an empty feeling inside of us . In order to try and 'fill' that emptiness, we

When we begin to explore loneliness more closely, we can also recognize its close relationship to depression. But what comes first - depression or loneliness? Well, I suppose that it depends. :) We are a relationship species and seek connection in order to feel secure and safe. This doesn't always mean an intimate partner; however, living without someone to share life with can often increase the amount of time we may have to battle the blues. When we seek solitude, that feel

Who doesn't need a few chuckles first thing in the morning? Here are a few funny quotes for us to enjoy: "The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.' - Helen Hayes "I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon." - Ellen DeGeneres "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are." - Will Ferrell "Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."

As we grow, we form core beliefs, habits, ways of thinking and being. Sometimes those can help us; they line up with our goals and fit nicely with our personalities and temperament, or they might get in the way, causing us to feel stuck in our attempt to move forward. When we have been doing something for a long time, it begins to feel as though it is a part of us. Take the example of comparing ourselves to others - that might be a natural tendency as we are a relationship s

I came across this poetic writing by Rania Naim: "For a long time, I held on to everything to make sure it didn't end. To make sure I didn't say goodbye. To avoid another failure. To stop letting my friends and family down. But I learned to look at endings inversely. I learned that endings don't always mean failures, goodbyes or deaths. I learned that endings can sometimes open new doors for better beginnings and close old doors that weren't going to lead us anywhere in the f

This one can be tough. Even on our best of days, if we walk away from an interchange, or get a message that is hard to decipher, we can easily lean into feeling insulted. We can immediately default into a thought pattern that affects our self-worth and plants doubt in who we are. Learning to not take things personally is a skill that can help us look at personal situations objectively. Here are 3 tips that we can practice: Ask yourself the question, "Is this really about me?"

Love comes in many forms; it is far-reaching, encompassing, it crosses time and space. Love has the ability to heal, to bring joy, to protect. Love brings with it mercy, compassion and grace. Today let us celebrate love: "Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love." - Mother Teresa "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others,

We often recognize that we are harder on ourselves than we are on other people. But what are the side effects of self-criticism? When our internal dialogue towards ourselves tends to be more negative than positive, it can produce the following: we feed the blues. Negative thinking, whether to ourselves or about others, will feed depression and apathy. we feed our insecurities. The things we don't feel confident about will stay that way with negative self-talk. we reinforce ou

We can all struggle with acceptance at times. Perhaps we don't understand why something happened as it did, perhaps we feel the sting of betrayal, perhaps something we wish would change isn't, or perhaps the reality of the situation is one we just don't want to face. In any case, acceptance is always going to be a part of our growth and movement forward. Two key components of acceptance include: Acknowledgement. How does the old saying go? You can't change what you don't ac

Worrying about something can often monopolize our thoughts, wreak havoc on our emotions, and rob us of our energy. 'Worst-case-scenario' worrying will quickly bring us from a place where logic might have had a say to the "worst outcome possible, which will be devastating." Sound familiar? I think that everyone can say that worriers or not, we have all landed there a few times. I was recently with a client who talked about the things in her past that she was proud of having

Sometimes we are faced with an issue or a situation that has us stuck in terms of a response. We may have an immediate emotional reaction to what has happened, but we want to handle it in such as way as to reinforce the position of "I am important and so are you." A co-worker keeps undermining you, a friend perpetually cancels on your planned dates, your partner said something to you that angered you or hurt your feelings. There is a part of you that wants to "keep the peac

Being single isn't always easy. We can lean into it when we need to, learn to be content on our own, and create a satisfying life for ourselves by building our time and experiences with meaning. We are; however, a relationship species and we tend to appreciate the attachment that comes with a long term relationship - and so we navigate the dating world. We need to use our confidence ("I know what I bring to the table and will expect no less"), and our instincts ("Goes days w

Putting on my 'dance music' play list is a must when I clean the house; 'Jazz' when I am cooking in the kitchen, and 'Good Mood Music' when on a road trip. We can all attest to the powerful effect that music has on us - it can uplift us when we are feeling blue, it can accompany us through our daily tasks, it has the ability to relax us. In a recent article entitled "Music takes 13 minutes to ‘release sadness’ and 9 to make you happy, according to new study" by Helena Asprou

We all know that 'bickering couple;' people who tend to be in some form of conflict pretty regularly. Is it a habit that has just developed over time? And how do we know if the relationship is conflict driven? We all have some form of conflict in relationships; we navigate through trying to make things equitable, there are times when we need to express how something may be bothering us, sometimes we want our partner to understand our needs. Any time we bring up something tha