We all have moments of self-doubt. Sometimes those thoughts come into play when we are feeling insecure about something, or our confidence is down. Imposter syndrome, however tends to be more pervasive. It is defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that tend to persist despite evidence of success. In other words, if you often think "Eventually, someone is going to figure out the real me and see me for who I am," you may have imposter syndrome. It is about the inabi

When it comes to our emotions, we are best served to feel them as they come; with no judgment or criticism. There are moments where we may feel rejected; there are moments where we may feel surprised. We may feel sad or joyful. Perhaps we feel irritated or angry. Our feelings are meant to be and we must simply scooch over and offer them a seat beside us. When we are grieving, it is a feeling that envelops us. It will often come in waves; it can feel raw and untethered. It ca

I came across this poem by Danielle Doby: Ripples. When you create a difference in someone's life, you not only impact their life, you impact everyone influenced by them throughout their entire lifetime. No act is ever too small. One by one, that is how to make an ocean rise. - Danielle Doby We may not ever know how our small acts of kindness can impact another person. Best to err on the side of caution and throw out as many as we possibly can. :) Photo by Koen Emmers on Un

We often speak about boundaries and how important they are in establishing. Sometimes we need to set expectations in our relationships, or at work. Sometimes we need to set boundaries when it comes to saying no, or when we realize that we are not being treated in a way that is respectful. Clients will often talk about knowing that they need to set boundaries, but struggle with how to say it. This post is all about the how; following are examples of what boundaries can sound

In yesterday's post we learned what ego states are and why they are important to our understanding of the choices that we sometimes automatically make. We learned about child ego states where we end up feeling small, and parent ego states, where we seek to feel powerful. Essentially, neither one of these ego states is where we want to stay - we may land there in default, but it is important for us to recognize how we are feeling and pull out of it. A good gauge to assess wh

I like to say that within us there are many different parts. And when we are feeling good, confident, and strong, those parts work together like a well-oiled machine. When we are feeling vulnerable; however, some of those parts begin to work independently of each other, or can come into conflict within ourselves. The psychological definition we use for describing these parts are ego states . Everybody has them and we all experience them. We tend to shift into an ego state wh

Perhaps one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to 'give ourselves permission.' Very often, we are held back in our growth as our patterns or associations have cemented habits, beliefs or attitudes that are no longer serving us. We are in a much better position to ask ourselves "Does it have to be this way?" From there, we can begin the gentle process of giving ourselves permission to: Look at something in a different perspective. To heal. To ask for help

There are times when we have to slow down our thought process enough to avoid saying something we end up regretting. Very often, an emotion gets in the way of acting rationally and we end up following the action urge instead of our logical brain (which shows up after the emotion has passed.) Sometimes our concerns for others can come out it ways that appear critical or harsh. I came across this acronym which can help us to think about what we wish to say in any given situati

I saw this passage by a.r. lucas and it reinforces what love truly is: "We've been infected with this idea that love is an emotion only felt between two people. But love is universal. An energy. A contagious force. A gift. To offer money to a homeless man is to love. To save a worm from the sun is to love. To smile to a stranger is to love. To be grateful, to be hopeful, to be brave, to be forgiving, to be proud, is to love." - a.r. lucas Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

In therapy, we often hear the phrase, "let's unpack that." Those words provide an image that we can work with to further explore. Think about the last time you were on vacation and brought your suitcase. When I get to my destination, I like to hang my good clothes in a closet that has all the hangers ready for me; I put my casual clothes in the dresser, and my cosmetics in the bathroom. Doing so allows me to feel organized and hopeful as I feel ready and excited for my week

Lois Tonkin created this quote about grief: "People think that grief slowly gets smaller with time. In reality, grief stays the same size, but slowly life begins to grow bigger around it." When we experience a profound loss, grief becomes a part of our make-up. It remains in our cells, in our memories, in our stories. The presence of our loved ones who have passed away come to us every day in the smallest and biggest of ways. We can find grief in our laughter, in our tears, i

I came across the loveliest of poems: The Forest One day when you wake up, you will find that you've become a forest. You've grown roots and found strength in them that no one thought you had. You have become stronger and more beautiful, full of life giving qualities. You have learned to take all the negativity around you and turn it into oxygen for easy breathing. A host of wild creatures live inside you and you call them stories. A variety of beautiful birds nest inside you

It is in our nature to resist change; we wish for permanence and yet change is inevitable. In this poem by Khalil Gibran, he reminds us to challenge the fears that surround change: Before entering the sea, a river trembles with fear. She looks back at the path she has traveled, And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter, there seems nothing more than to disappear forever. But there is no other way. The river can not go back, nobody can go back. The river n

People often think about the word 'addiction' when the phrase codependent relationship comes up. And although issues with addiction can create such a relationship, the codependency dynamic can exist at any time that one person is supporting another person in an unhealthy way . Generally speaking, the partner who is in the caretaking role is providing emotional, financial or physical support; putting someone else's needs above their own. And the partner on the receiving end,

Yesterday's post explored the difference between an impulsive choice and a skillful one. Today's post walks through an example; it is one that is universal and is tied to a pretty common impulsive (and therefore emotional) choice. I am sitting in front of the TV and it is about 8 pm at night. I think to myself "Hmmm, I wonder what I could eat," and I go to the pantry and open its doors. "I could eat some chips, make some popcorn, have a few cookies or a chocolate bar. Maybe

We make choices every day. Sometimes those choices fall into daily living activities such as what we might eat for lunch. Sometimes our choices are emotionally tied to us, such as how we might respond to a text or a comment. Sometimes our choices line up to a bigger life decision, such as whether or not to make a career change. In any case, we can make an impulsive choice or a skillful one. Impulsive choices are linked to emotion. They are the decisions we make on the fly, b

Here are 5 Quotes about love that can encompass all of the people we love in our lives: "There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart." - Jane Austen "You always gain by giving love." - Reese Witherspoon "Love yourself first and everything falls in line." - Lucille Ball “When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.” - Jess C. Scott “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

In yesterday's post we looked at the danger of complacency in relationships; today's post features the question about the difference between giving up and acceptance. When we are faced with an issue in our lives, I like to say that our choices are one of three - change it, accept it or leave it. Most people will attempt to change it first, and if that doesn't occur, the process begins of exploring whether to accept it or to leave it. When this comes to the issue of complace

Sometimes we can become complacent in our relationships; without realizing it, we can end up underappreciating our loved ones or taking our partner for granted. The honeymoon phase may be over, but rather than the relationship falling into an easy exchange of healthy bids and affection towards each other, the relationship begins to feel empty or stuck. Knowing what causes complacency is a good place to start in trying to address it: Indifference. This one is a silent killer

I came across this little poem: I'm learning to be comfortable in the 'almost there,' rather than the 'here I am.' I'm growing into the idea it's okay to be small somedays and loud the next. I'm finding the difference in standing tall in height and standing tall in heart. I'm discovering that I can be messy and unfinished while being a complete work of art in the same moment. I'm learning that grace and growth like to hold hands.