We all have an emotional rhythm that is personalized to what we have learned growing up. Although the feelings we experience when faced with certain events are universal in nature (sadness when grieving, anger when unjustified, fear when threatened), the way we process those feelings are very much our own. Some people are able to recognize their emotions quite easily and begin the process of them right away, others may struggle by pushing the emotions away or having the sense

I came across this poem by Victoria Erickson that reminds us that we can design our own life: If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversations. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy with

Yesterday's post explored the spectrum of emotion when we feel disconnected; vulnerability on one end of the continuum and dominance on the other. When we feel disconnected from ourselves, our loved ones, our community, the first step is to recognize where we are on the spectrum. This allows us to acknowledge our struggle and to set as our goal a desire to find some middle ground. In order to begin to feel connected, we require the use of empathy. When we are either polarizi

There is an inherent value to connection. When we feel connected to ourselves and to others, when we can connect to our spiritual selves, we tend to feel a qualitative difference in the everyday purpose of our lives. We are, after all, social creatures. What happens when disconnection is what we feel instead? It might be with a loved one or friend that we are encountering a rough patch with, it may come in the form of a conflict, it may be an inner wrestling with ourselves. I

In a recent article entitled "5 Tips to Calm a Restless Mind Before Going to Sleep" by Jade Wu and featured on Psychology Today, Wu features some tips for falling asleep that are creative and can use our imagination to help guide our minds into feeling calmer and more settled. Two that I especially found compelling (quoted): Transfer lingering thoughts from your brain to paper. "Your brain is juggling thoughts and working hard to keep them spinning because—goodness forbid—yo

A lovely reminder about the importance of boundaries, set in an effort of self-love: "Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how to use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won't accept." - Anna Taylor I often remark to people that "sometimes we need to teach people how to treat us." This begins and ends with boundaries, both with ourselves (it is okay to say no) and to others (when you let t

Why is communicating so difficult? We tend to feel very nervous when we know a conversation with a loved one is necessary; defaulting to avoidance and convincing ourselves that this issue at work or home is not important or will go away. Sometimes it is that we can't say sorry, or we hesitate in telling others that we love them. Statements that are simple, yet effective at strengthening relationships include: "I'm sorry." "I love you." "Can we talk?" "Thank you." "You were r

I came across this quote by Kim McMillen: "When I loved myself, I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving." - Kim McMillen How many times do we fail to see our value? Perhaps we have been in a job or relationship so long, we feel worn away. Perhaps we feel that to leave it means we have failed. I love the line "My judgement called it disloyal; now I see it as self-

Sometimes we can't find an answer to our questions. It may be that they are existential in nature, or perhaps the person we need to gain understanding from is not capable or willing to answer. It is a theme that is often repeated in therapy - from a mother who wrestles with understanding the loss of her child, to a young woman who fails to comprehend how, despite her effort, her mother chooses to remain distant, to a young man who wants to understand why his girlfriend treats

Daily affirmations are an important way to keep ourselves on track when it comes to achieving optimal emotional health. By saying something that is affirming to ourselves, we replace old patterns of thought that may be limiting us. Daily affirmations increase our confidence and allow us to stay focused on our value. Typically, affirmations are more effective when they are concise and they begin with the words "I am." We can create our own affirmations based on specific goals

Yesterday we touched on three hobbies that tend to be shown in the research as promoting our sense of well-being. Today we will explore three more activities we can engage in that can help sustain good emotional health: Music . Playing it or listening to it, music helps us to feel connected to our inner self. Nothing gets us feeling nostalgic as a song from our high school days or the songs we recall from our childhood. Music can not only naturally lift our mood, we can use

I would probably say that any interest or hobby that you are enthusiastic about, is worth its weight in gold for your emotional health. This post will feature three that we tend to see over and over again in the research as contributing to sustaining optimum emotional health: Walking. Walking is probably our most natural form of exercise; we are moving forward (optimal to growth, what a wonderful way to make that concept physical!) When we walk outside, and in nature, we ha

Trying to manage a mental illness can be quite difficult at times; the symptoms are often pervasive and debilitating. In its wake, mental illness will bring along a myriad of feelings, one of which is guilt. For some, it is a general guilt about mental illness; it may be that we feel guilty about how our mental illness impacts others, what it means in our workplace, guilt about the inability to function optimally, guilt that we may have to take some time to get back on track

A poem by Hollie Holden has caught my attention: Today I asked my body what she needed, Which is a big deal. Considering my journey of Not Really Asking That Much. I thought she might need water Or protein Or greens Or yoga Or supplements Or movement. But as I stood in the shower Reflecting on her stretch marks, Her roundness where I would like flatness, Her softness where I would like firmness, All those conditioned wishes That form a bundle of Never-Quite-Right-Ness, She

Compliments are powerful. We may not think that a few words of praise will do much; however, compliments are probably the easiest way to show someone you appreciate them. Sometimes we may struggle in giving a compliment; perhaps you were not praised very much as a child, perhaps you ascribe to the belief that giving someone a compliment is going to "give them a big head," perhaps you wait to be complimented first. Regardless of the reason, verbally appreciating someone feels

How many times have we heard someone say "That wasn't my intention." It may come in the form of a joke that unintentionally hurt someone; or a comment that felt critical. It may be a realization when healing that someone who hurt you didn't intentionally do so, but rather it boiled down to capacity. I often hear clients say "They didn't know better," or "They did the best they could with what they had." Intentional hurt is obvious; it's tangible. When someone purposefully sa

We all have days that just don't go well for us. Sometimes it is simply a measure of our busy lives, other times it may be a part of our bigger struggle. Having a phrase that we can say to ourselves to get us through a tough moment is a way that we can shift our focus to a place that feels safer; it also helps to temper some of our emotion with reality. Here are some possible mantras to adopt: "One day at a time." Probably the most popular and well liked; it reminds us that

I came across this lovely saying by L.R. Knost, reminding us of the light we have within us: "Do not be dismayed by the brokenness in the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you." - L.R. Knost I especially love the phrase in "and all things can be mended, not with time, as they say but with inten

First, let's define what I mean by constructive criticism. Whoever wrote the little lyric of "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," clearly wasn't bullied or criticized. If there is one thing I can say about criticism, especially in childhood, it can have very damaging effects to a person's self-esteem. Sometimes this can make us hyper-sensitive to any type of criticism and we end up perceiving what someone says as critical when it wasn't inten

I saw this post recently and it brought to mind the innocent spirit of children: "Children speak the language of the flowers and understand the whispers of the wind. They're in tune with the subtle songs of the forest; they can listen to the trees, interpret the chatter of the rivers, and intuit the meaning of each sparkle of the sun. Our job isn't to correct that, but to nurture it, to preserve it, and perhaps even to remember it ourselves." - Cristen Rodgers We will often g