Sometimes we can't find an answer to our questions. It may be that they are existential in nature, or perhaps the person we need to gain understanding from is not capable or willing to answer. It is a theme that is often repeated in therapy - from a mother who wrestles with understanding the loss of her child, to a young woman who fails to comprehend how, despite her effort, her mother chooses to remain distant, to a young man who wants to understand why his girlfriend treats

Daily affirmations are an important way to keep ourselves on track when it comes to achieving optimal emotional health. By saying something that is affirming to ourselves, we replace old patterns of thought that may be limiting us. Daily affirmations increase our confidence and allow us to stay focused on our value. Typically, affirmations are more effective when they are concise and they begin with the words "I am." We can create our own affirmations based on specific goals

Yesterday we touched on three hobbies that tend to be shown in the research as promoting our sense of well-being. Today we will explore three more activities we can engage in that can help sustain good emotional health: Music . Playing it or listening to it, music helps us to feel connected to our inner self. Nothing gets us feeling nostalgic as a song from our high school days or the songs we recall from our childhood. Music can not only naturally lift our mood, we can use

I would probably say that any interest or hobby that you are enthusiastic about, is worth its weight in gold for your emotional health. This post will feature three that we tend to see over and over again in the research as contributing to sustaining optimum emotional health: Walking. Walking is probably our most natural form of exercise; we are moving forward (optimal to growth, what a wonderful way to make that concept physical!) When we walk outside, and in nature, we ha

Trying to manage a mental illness can be quite difficult at times; the symptoms are often pervasive and debilitating. In its wake, mental illness will bring along a myriad of feelings, one of which is guilt. For some, it is a general guilt about mental illness; it may be that we feel guilty about how our mental illness impacts others, what it means in our workplace, guilt about the inability to function optimally, guilt that we may have to take some time to get back on track

A poem by Hollie Holden has caught my attention: Today I asked my body what she needed, Which is a big deal. Considering my journey of  Not Really Asking That Much. I thought she might need water Or protein Or greens Or yoga Or supplements Or movement. But as I stood in the shower Reflecting on her stretch marks, Her roundness where I would like flatness, Her softness where I would like firmness, All those conditioned wishes That form a bundle of  Never-Quite-Right-Ness, She

Compliments are powerful. We may not think that a few words of praise will do much; however, compliments are probably the easiest way to show someone you appreciate them. Sometimes we may struggle in giving a compliment; perhaps you were not praised very much as a child, perhaps you ascribe to the belief that giving someone a compliment is going to "give them a big head," perhaps you wait to be complimented first. Regardless of the reason, verbally appreciating someone feels

How many times have we heard someone say "That wasn't my intention." It may come in the form of a joke that unintentionally hurt someone; or a comment that felt critical. It may be a realization when healing that someone who hurt you didn't intentionally do so, but rather it boiled down to capacity. I often hear clients say "They didn't know better," or "They did the best they could with what they had." Intentional hurt is obvious; it's tangible. When someone purposefully sa

We all have days that just don't go well for us. Sometimes it is simply a measure of our busy lives, other times it may be a part of our bigger struggle. Having a phrase that we can say to ourselves to get us through a tough moment is a way that we can shift our focus to a place that feels safer; it also helps to temper some of our emotion with reality. Here are some possible mantras to adopt: "One day at a time." Probably the most popular and well liked; it reminds us that

I came across this lovely saying by L.R. Knost, reminding us of the light we have within us: "Do not be dismayed by the brokenness in the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you." - L.R. Knost I especially love the phrase in "and all things can be mended, not with time, as they say but with inten

First, let's define what I mean by constructive criticism. Whoever wrote the little lyric of "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," clearly wasn't bullied or criticized. If there is one thing I can say about criticism, especially in childhood, it can have very damaging effects to a person's self-esteem. Sometimes this can make us hyper-sensitive to any type of criticism and we end up perceiving what someone says as critical when it wasn't inten

I saw this post recently and it brought to mind the innocent spirit of children: "Children speak the language of the flowers and understand the whispers of the wind. They're in tune with the subtle songs of the forest; they can listen to the trees, interpret the chatter of the rivers, and intuit the meaning of each sparkle of the sun. Our job isn't to correct that, but to nurture it, to preserve it, and perhaps even to remember it ourselves." - Cristen Rodgers We will often g

Ever say something that you wish you could take back? Perhaps said in hurt or anger; regardless, it was a knee jerk reaction that left someone else stung and you regretful? Do you know someone who doesn't have a filter; often leaving people in their wake either shaking their heads or doing damage repair? Ultimately, we are responsible for how we speak to others; if we say something that we later regret, repair is necessary or the sting will linger. Perhaps a healthier optio

I came across this quote by Maya Angelou; inspiring and hopeful words that we can use as a thoughtful intention for ourselves, our loved ones, and the greater good: “May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yoursel

Yesterday's post looked at the science behind being thankful; today we look at 5 ways we can increase gratitude: Being mindful of what is around you . When we are consciously focused on slowing down and being attuned to what is happening in our day, we make room for noticing little things such as the sunrise on the way into work, the dog happily meeting us at the door, hugs from our loved ones, the food in front of you at dinner, the cozy way your bed feels at the end of the

In an article entitled "Neuroscience Reveals: Gratitude Literally Rewires Your Brain to be Happier" featured on DailyHealthPost , we read about how the effects of actively being thankful can benefit us. Here are some research findings (paraphrased): It leads to an overall increase in feeling positive and optimistic about life. It improves sleep quality and reduces anxiety and depression. When we are focused on feeling grateful, the areas of the brain that show increased activ

Yesterday we focused on some distress tolerance techniques from DBT that are intended to help us center ourselves for the short term. Sometimes, however; the solution is not to be found in the immediate future. Possible examples include grieving the loss of someone, going through a break up, trying to quit a bad habit, waiting for a better job to come along. When we are faced with a situation that tends to roller coaster our emotions, we can use some of the following techniq

Sometimes we find ourselves with a problem or situation we can't immediately solve. Perhaps our emotions are running high and we need some space to compose ourselves or perhaps it is an issue that just can't be solved in the immediate future but still gives us an element of worry or distress. In either case, we can begin to feel consumed by our feelings. Distress tolerance techniques are a part of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) and can be quite helpful when feeling up

In our last on a series about the right and left hemispheres of our brain, we look at how to keep our minds sharp. As we discovered in the last two posts, the two sides work together to help us process information. Here are some ways to keep the right and left sides working at their best: Crossword puzzles and word or number games, writing out lists. Reading daily is a good way to keep your mind sharp; writing (even on a small scale such as in a journal or writing a letter to

Yesterday's post explored the different functions of the left and right brain. Although we can often imagine that they work independently of each other, they work together. Here are some examples of how both sides of the brain tend to contribute to our understanding and processing: We hear someone tell a story. The left brain will compute the logistics required of language such as grammar, whereas the right brain will be working at linking meaning, tone and metaphor. You have