There are times when we experience great suffering; it can be in grief, it can come from having gone through a traumatic event. As with all emotions, we must go through the process; we can't go around it, we must go through it. The ebb and flow of emotions must be felt; the joys combined with the sorrows, the release of tears. The goal becomes to heal, for post-traumatic growth, for resilience. Unfortunately, sometimes we stay stuck in our suffering. There is always an excus

Something that I recently heard Oprah Winfrey say is "You are not your circumstances. You are your possibilities." - Oprah Winfrey It struck me that we can fit this thought into just about any context: It can be in reference to childhood and how many people have come from a painful and chaotic past. We can choose to heal from the trauma that accompanied it, creating resiliency and spiritual strength. It can be in reference to a break up or separation. Sometimes when in the

I love this quote by Marcus Aurelius: "What stands in the way becomes the way." It reminds me of the famous words quoted in Dumbo , in which it was noted that "the very thing that kept you down is going to carry you up." Let's face it, we often get in our own way of growth. If we have low self-esteem for example, we will allow it to direct a big portion of our lives; leading us to missed opportunities and feeling victimized. If we numb ourselves with alcohol, over-eating or

September is a month that always brings with it's arrival some familiar feelings; of summer slowly coming to an end, a return to school, a return to routine. I love this poem by Victoria Erickson as it celebrates the changing of seasons and the pauses we find ourselves in at this time of year: "This strangely still pause between summer and autumn, greenery and gold, and the heat and rising wind this is once again readying itself to rush it all away in a climactic symphony of

The mindfulness movement is one in which the aim is to focus on the present moment. It also aims to introduce us to the way calm feels through deep breathing exercises, meditation and thoughtful intention. It may not always be easy to find the time to do a full guided meditation, but we can build mindful moments into our day: When outside, notice five things that are beautiful. Listen to a piece of music without doing anything else. Make a list of the blessings in your life

Gandhi was a great believer in the truth and was one of the most prominent leaders of the Indian Independence Movement. He aspired to growth through nonviolence and was known for his peaceful and grounded demeanor. Three of my favourite quotes: "Be truthful, gentle and fearless." -Gandhi "I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet." -Gandhi "Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world, but being able to remake ourselves." - Gandhi Ga

I love this quote by Nate Berkus: "Your home should tell the story of who you are and what you love most, collected and assembled in one place." - Nate Berkus When someone walks into your space, whether that be your home or office, they should be able to tell something of your personality. Perhaps they will find it in the souvenirs you have collected from your travels, your choice in art, your taste in furniture, your choices in colour and texture. They may also be able to t

A friend shared a meme with me that talks about the importance of self-care. It brought to mind the non-negotiables we can incorporate into our day in order to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves when lives are busy and our to-do lists are long. The meme was authored by Sarah W. Brassard @ Projecthappiness_org: You owe yourself one hour a day of self-maintenance. It can include reading, writing, yoga, exercise, mediation, dancing, sauna, painting, walking or whatever,

People often come to therapy to work through a trauma; a past or present experience is plaguing them and taking up too much space in themselves. Perhaps they have spent too much time avoiding the after-effects of the negative experience, and it is now creating trouble in their relationships or with the way that they regulate their emotions. The goal in trying to heal from traumatic experiences is to remove the emotional load. That isn't to say that recalling the event or be

This quote from Rumi gives us some food for thought: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi When you come to think about it, our built in attachment system sets us up to be able to love and to be loved back. It is what we have been taught about love or our negative experiences with desire, tenderness and devotion that tend to build walls around our hearts. If we are fortunate en

I came across this lovely quote that reminds of the importance of balance when seeking health: "There is an Indian proverb that says everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time but unless we go into every room everyday, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person." - Rumer Godden Sometimes we can get away from visiting each of our rooms, but entering them even

You find yourself angry with a loved one and have called a time out. Your partner is having a hard time containing hostility, so you agree to table the discussion, for now. The best solution to an angry situation is a promise to regroup and try again when our tempers have cooled and our nostrils are less flared. But what happens to us in the aftermath of anger? What are it's aftereffects? A narrowing of attention. One of the common prompts to anger is a feeling that you are

When we differ in our opinion to another, or feel strongly that we must disagree, it can often come across as a lecture or as an attack. In Marianne Williamson 's book "A Year of Miracles," this excerpt from Day 36, struck a chord with me: "Help me to disagree without blame, to share without criticism, and to debate without demonizing anyone." If we can keep this thoughtful intention when it comes to our heavier conversations, what a difference it could make. When we allow o

I came across this lovely poem by e.h. In its words, we are reminded to be true to ourselves: Our lives are one big puzzle, We don't know how many pieces we've got, There are people that fit in quite nicely, And people who try but do not, We're constantly adding more pieces, All the memories of things we've been through, We add laughter and tears and adventure, And the lessons we've learned to be true, Everyone has their own puzzle, There will be ones where you do not fit, Do

"I worry that I am being judged." "I worry what others think of me." "It feels like what I do is never good enough." This is often a recurring theme in therapy. The thoughts and subsequent feelings that, when compared to others, we fall short. Why do we compare ourselves to others? Is that an innate process - something that naturally comes from within ourselves? Or do we learn it as we grow - leaning into what society teaches us about equality and status? It would seem th

Part of my role as a therapist is to assess whether or not someone is using distraction or avoidance when they tell me "I just try and keep myself really busy." Distraction is a healthy coping skill, and sometimes quite necessary when we are in the midst of trying to contain or reign in an emotion. Avoidance on the other hand, is going to catch up to you eventually as it tends to inhibit growth . So when do we use distraction? Borrowed from the model of Dialectical Behavior

When we think about the importance of self-care, it tends to encompass many things. Sometimes it is making sure that the pace of our day is balanced; it can mean the setting of boundaries, the things we consciously choose to do to feed our comfort system; the ways in which we rest, use our senses to self-soothe, feel at peace. Whatever our chosen means of feeling grounded, it is our tendency to set ourselves aside when our days get busy - when we feel frazzeled or frayed, we

There is just something about a smile. Seeing someone's smiling face is an instant mood booster and can lead us to wanting to join in the fun. Here are 5 facts about smiling that back up how good it is for us: Smiling reduces stress and anxiety. When we smile, we relax our facial muscles; this can help lower our blood pressure leading us to feel calmer. Smiling is contagious. We tend to naturally be drawn to people who smile and lean into a more positive attitude; this can

We all get in those prickly, confrontational moods. Sometimes we can have a sour day at work, someone cut us off on our way to the grocery store, or our partner says the wrong thing at the wrong time. Other times, we might be quietly minding our own business, and we get pulled into someone else's need for an argument. In any case, we end up heated and the fight is on. Whenever we are in a confrontational mood, there is one question that we can ask ourselves that might help u

When we numb emotions, it is our way of avoiding painful feelings or traumatic experiences. Whether we push everything down, "just try and not think about it," or turn to alcohol, over-eating, over-spending and the like, we are leaning into numbing behaviours. Brene Brown says it best: "We cannot selectively numb emotion. If we numb the dark, we numb the light. If we take the edge off pain and discomfort, we are, by default, taking the edge off joy, love, belonging, and the