Yesterday's post featured one of four agreements featured in Don Miguel Ruiz' s book entitled "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom." Today's post features the second agreement: " Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." - Don Miguel Ruiz I ca

In 1997, "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom" by Don Miguel Ruiz was published. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, Ruiz offers a code of conduct, known as the Four Agreements that promote a life of peace and contentedness. The next few posts will feature Ruiz's teachings; today's post is about the first agreement: " Be impeccable with your word . Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip abo

When I read this poem by Erin Hanson, I thought of the grief we often feel through relationship loss: I was the type of person, That held onto things too tight, Unable to release my grip, When it no longer felt right, And although it gave me blisters, And my fingers would all ache, I always thought that holding on, Was worth the pain it takes, I used to think in losing things, I'd lose part of me too, That slowly I'd become someone, My heart no longer knew, Then one day some

This quote from Victoria Erickson reminds us that reaching our full potential comes from within: “If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy w

There are two truths in life that continue to show us that we are better served to accept them than to rail against them: We cannot get through life without challenges. As much as we may focus on living a life to the fullest, there will always be times when we are faced with challenges that we will need to overcome. A relationship may end, we may experience a job change, a friendship may shift, we may lose a loved one, something occurs completely out of our control. Sometime

The last four posts have talked about communication styles and the healthiest position of "I am important and so are you." In other words, our ability to be assertive and to be able to respect both ourselves and others when it comes to our needs, our opinions and our boundaries. Here are three quotes to help us think about assertiveness: The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives - Tony Robbins “When you tolerate disre

Our healthiest communication style is assertiveness; it is a way of communicating that validates our own needs without dismissing anyone else's and delivers the message "I am important and so are you." When we want to honour our own importance, the first step is to be able to recognize our own needs. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, "What is it I really want in this situation? How do I want to be treated?" Once we can identify what we need, the next step is to be able

Moving right along in our series about communication styles, today's post is about passive-aggressiveness. True to its name, it is a combination of both the passive and aggressive positions. In this style of communication, you sacrifice your own needs, and although it feels okay to do so, it also comes with some resentment attached to it. And as a result, usually somewhere along the line, you get back at the person who asked you to sacrifice your own needs in some way. The me

Yesterday we looked a how a passive style of communication can position ourselves into unimportance; today we will focus on what tends to be an aggressive or dominant form of communication. What characterizes this form of communication is the pull to have your own needs met first . Typically, a person has learned that their needs trump others' either because as a child their needs were not met (and they defaulted to elbowing their way to the front of the line) or they were ta

We tend to adopt a certain style of communicating based on our temperament, learned behaviour and our experiences growing up. You will most likely see yourself, as well as others in your life, in one of four styles of communicating. Today we will look at what it is like to communicate in a passive way. If you are apt to communicate in this style, you tend to sacrifice your own needs for others; and you do so willingly. This is an important distinction because it actually f

After having walked away from a verbal exchange with someone, do you ever feel more conflicted and confused than before you started? Then you might have just experienced emotional dumping. Emotional dumping is used as a way for people to escape from taking any responsibility for their actions, circumstances or state of the relationship. It is also a way to deflect the real issues at hand, as a way to protect themselves from coming into and embracing a vulnerable state. Emot

When we are fully ourselves in relationship, we have an innate sense of comfort within in. This is not to be mistaken for something that feels familiar - with familiarity the relationship feels safe, whereas with comfort, it feels trustworthy. It is only when we have trust and mutual respect can we feel true comfort in relationship. Our opinions and feelings matter as do those of our loved ones. One of the ways that we can contribute to that process is to create an environm

There are two truths that rise to the surface in relationship to others: You can't change others, you can only change yourself. I love the expression "Change it, accept it or leave it," as it signifies the choices we have when faced with an issue. Because we have eternal hope, we tend to move towards change first as a way to better the relationship. And really, why wouldn't we? If we can talk to our loved one about our concerns, or how their behaviours, patterns or choices

I was sitting once in a colleague's office and I noticed a poster she had on the wall and it made me think about how we attain wisdom. We certainly see our elders as wiser than us, but does it just come from the process of maturation? So I looked up the the definition of wisdom in Webster's Dictionary and I especially appreciated reading: intelligence drawing on experience and governed by prudence. The poster quoted: Four Statements that Lead to Wisdom: "I don't know" "I'

We have both a rational part of our brain and an emotional one. And it is important to remember that emotion will trump reason every time . We can make decisions when we are angry, fearful, guilty etc. and those decisions made in the midst of twirling emotions, often also come with regret. The “why did I say that” or “what the heck was I thinking” will come in the aftermath of a decision made in too much emotion. That being said, decisions made with pure logic can also go sid

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop when one has experienced a traumatic event. Here are 5 facts about PTSD: PTSD can develop not only after having experiencing trauma, but also from having witnessed it. Symptoms of PTSD include reliving the event through flashbacks and nightmares, avoiding possible triggers, excessive arousal which includes a hypervigilance to danger, and an increase in negative thoughts and feelings. We can ha

I recently sat with a client who had been a witness to a serious car accident. She had been involved in helping those injured and at the time of the accident was in full swing action mode. Three weeks later, she was still struggling with some of the after effects of that incident. When we have an especially upsetting experience or trauma, we will often experience an acute stress reaction . Very often, that will include a re-experiencing of the event with intrusive images or

Happy New Year to all! I hope that 2026 is good to you and filled with blessings. Here are a few quotes to help remind us that a new year brings about a sense of renewal; a time to welcome what lies ahead. “And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.” —Rainer Maria Rilke, poet “With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” - Eleanor Rossevelt “The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.” —Melody Beattie Ph

The turning of a new year often brings to our awareness goals that we may need to work on; plans for ourselves by way of self-improvement or creating habits that sustain and enhance our emotional goals. The following quotes help to remind us that change can be good; that movement forward is a key to our desire to seek joy and thrive in our daily lives. “Plant seeds every single day that help you know who you are, you know what you're about, and you know what goals you’ve set

The association that exists between love and approval is one I see over and over again in therapy. Formed usually in childhood, we begin to make links as to how to get affection and attention from our caregivers. Sometimes this comes when we are good or quiet, other times when we 'take care of.' Very often, love and approval is linked because of an emphasis on achievement or success; talent or beauty. Our attachment system is one that guides us to seek unconditional love; wh