In his famous book "The Road Less Traveled, " M. Scott Peck has this to say about the work of attention: "The principal form that the work of love takes is attention. When we love another we give him or her our attention; we attend to that person's growth. When we love ourselves we attend to our own growth. When we attend to someone, we are caring for that person. The act of attending requires that we make the effort to set aside our existing preoccupations and actively shif

I love the quote by Louise Hay that states: "How you start your day is often how you live your life." Interesting thought, isn't it? Do you jump out of bed, feet hit the floor and never stop til your head hits the pillow again at night? Do you wake up slowly, maybe stretch a little to start moving? Do you hit the snooze button so many times that when you finally get out of bed you are rushed and frazzled? Do you head outside to start your day with exercise? Do you pray? Jou

There is mounting evidence that our gut is like a second brain. Now, this brain cannot think or express an opinion, but it can influence your mood and well being. Here are some interesting facts about your gut: Serotonin (the hormone most often associated with happiness) is actually produced in your gastrointestinal tract. There are close to 100 million neurons lining our digestive tract, creating an ecosystem that sends signals to our brain about our mood. 90% of the cells r

I like to say that everything exists on a continuum; that you can take any quality and it will have its place on a spectrum. Take shyness for example; on one end of the spectrum you would have extreme shyness and on the other would be extreme arrogance. A person can then find themselves somewhere along that continuum. What will get you into trouble are the far ends of the continuum . If you are extremely shy, you might find it difficult to make friends, attend social function

Building upon yesterday's post, when we don’t feel safe, that sensation happens in our body first. Our gut instinct sends a message to our brain that something is “off.” It is then the job of our mind to help process what those sensations mean and if they are potentially dangerous to us. There are three things to remember about our bodies: 1. Our bodies never lie to us . They can’t, as they do not have a brain (our minds on the other hand lie to us all the time; we can convi

The need to feel safe is an inherent need that is with us from the moment we are born; it is tied to our survival and so remains with us for the entirety of our lives. If we don’t feel safe for any reason, we are driven to move towards feeling secure. This level of safety is both physical and emotional. If we are faced with a physical danger, our instincts immediately kick in and everything is set aside in order to deal with the danger at hand. Essentially our fear response

When exploring when anxiety first started for them, many clients will link it back to their early adult years; I often remark that their anxiety may have started earlier than that as it tends to manifest differently in children. In an article entitled "10 Anxiety Symptoms in Children that Most Parents Miss" by Angela Pruess, we learn about how anxiety isn't always what we assume it to be in children. Pruess lists symptoms that might be masking what turns out to be underlyin

I love the title of this blog post and it also begins this short prose by Morgan Harper Nichols: Embrace the unexplained of the millions of things you do not understand. May today be the day that you embrace the unexplained, and find in new moments, not only new things, but space to slow down and room to breathe. - Morgan Harper Nichols We spent a lot of our energy on trying to figure out what is existential and unexplained. Sometimes the hardest part of our journey is to

Structure and routine help us to feel grounded and safe. There was a time when society contributed to that framework for us; but today we see less and less of it in our ever busy and technology filled world. Some examples of how I experienced that structure when I was a kid (in the 70's and 80's) include: Sunday was a day of rest. As a family, we went to church and then spent the day in relax mode. Stores were closed on Sunday; on weekdays, you had to do your shopping before

A little poem by Matthew Spenser caught me eye: There are days when the sun rises a little later and I am all storm clouds, I hope you love me still and choose to dance with me in the rain, instead of reaching for your umbrella..... It is the notion of unconditional love that speaks to me in these words. The idea that you can be granted the freedom to have your feelings, give space for your emotions and have those around you simply allow it to be. No conditions, no unspoken

Alice Walker, best known for the book "The Color Purple" has many wise things to say. I especially love these three quotes as they reflect in many ways the themes that I see in the people who sit across from me in therapy: "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." - Alice Walker “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” - Alice Walker “Look closely at the present you are constructing; it shoul

Many people come to therapy in order to help understand and then change their unhealthy relationship patterns. Over time, they have begun to notice that they are attracted to a 'type' - perhaps they tend to choose someone who is controlling or dependent, emotionally unavailable or needy. Givers tend to be attracted to takers and those who are passive to those who are dominant. In any case, they do the work - uncovering the pattern, figuring out how and why that dynamic has ap

The benefits of walking are without question; not just from a health perspective but also a psychological one. A study, conducted by Stanford University entitled "Stanford Researchers find Mental Health Prescription: Nature," addresses the increasing trend of urbanization (we have reached the 50% mark for people living in urban areas) and along with this statistic, two accompanying trends: a decrease in the amount of exposure we get to nature and an overall increase in menta

After a worry has passed we can often look back and recognize that the worry grew too big. We agonized over it, paced the floor with our minds over it, allowed it to grow out of proportion until it occupied way too much of our time and space. Perhaps, instead of reflecting after the worry, we can pause for a moment mid-worry and ask it "Are you a hypothetical worry or a practical one?" Hypothetical worries are not based on facts - they are based on fears . They are the worri

Very often in therapy, people will encounter setbacks. A habit that they are trying to break, a new way of thinking that they are incorporating into their mindset, much-needed boundaries being put into place. Lots of variables will often be at play when making a change, and there are times when we slip up, revert back to an old habit out of familiarity, or have an expectation that doesn't come to pass. When clients come in with news of their setbacks, they will often have an

We all have those low kind of days where we just feel pulled down a bit. Might be the weather, something coming up that is giving us some anticipatory worry, feeling a bit lonely or unfulfilled, a build up of a too busy week. When we recognize a blue day, our goal becomes to feed our comfort system - to remind ourselves of the importance of some internal care and attention. Here are some tips for a low day: Create a warm space . Light a candle, listen to some favourite music,

I loved this passage, written by a kindergarten teacher. I was unable to find the author - I suppose that they must have been content in putting out to the world some lovely thoughts about what is important to teach our children: "When I look around my classroom, I couldn't tell you who crawled first, who walked before one or spoke in sentences by 15 months. I can't tell you if their parents breastfed or bottle fed. No clue if they still wear pull ups at night, because I am

We know from yesterday's blog post that chronic stress and cortisol are not a good mix; putting both our physical and mental health at risk. Our mind-body system needs to be able to return to it's relaxation response in order for cortisol to best do its job; therefore, reducing stress in our daily lives becomes part of our goal towards creating balance for a healthier life. Here are 5 possible ways to help reduce chronic stress: Unlearn to worry (yes, it's possible!). Worryin

Cortisol, the hormone that courses through our system when under stress, is often given a bad rap. Known as the "stress hormone," elevated cortisol levels have been linked to health issues as well as an increased risk for developing a mental illness. But what is it's core function? Cortisol is secreted as part of the body's stress response; a perceived or experienced threat will create a physiological response, eliciting a quickening of our pulse, a burst of adrenaline and t

When we are going about our everyday lives, our brains help us to move and flow through our activities with a fair amount of ease. We call this top to bottom thinking; as the top parts of our brains, the pre-frontal cortex especially, help us to attend. When our fear response kicks in, we call this bottom to top thinking; as the fear response part of our brain, in the amygdala, is closer to the base of our brain. When the brain detects danger, the fear response kicks in, and