I have worked with many clients over the years who have suffered traumatic childhoods; ones in which they were thrust into survivor mode from a very young age, often experiencing abuse and/or neglect while having to take on adult roles in the family. In this article, I was impressed with the writer's words in explaining attachment in the face of trauma. "Attachment and C-PTSD: How Complex Trauma Gets in the Way" by Fabiana Franco and featured on GoodTherapy, Franco had thi

We are coming up to the year anniversary of the world-wide lockdown that will forever be remembered as the 2020 Pandemic. As we come into...

In an article entitled "How Anxiety Destroys Relationships (And How to Stop It) by Kristine Tye and featured on Good Therapy , Tye talks about the ways that anxiety can take it's toll on relationships. Two of the points I found especially relevant: "Anxiety breaks down trust and connection. Anxiety causes fear or worry that can make you less aware of your true needs in a given moment. It can also make you less attuned to the needs of your partner. If you’re worried about wha

Last week in our self-reflection series, we explored the lessons we have learned about ourselves from the difficulties we have faced in our life. That got me to thinking about: What have I learned about myself from my moments of pure joy? My experiences of bliss? By the time my girls and I got to Gunstock Mountain Resort in New Hampshire for our zip lining experience, I had already ziplined a few times. Mostly on excursions on our trips south, the ziplines were manageable and

In yesterday's post, I spoke about the feelings of inferiority and superiority in relationships. This got me to thinking about differences and why we often struggle with them; often, sadly, to the point of hatred. We are pack oriented by nature; it is part of our survival brain and left over from the days when we had to fend for ourselves on the plains. As a matter of survival, we needed our tribe to increase our ability to defend ourselves and be protected from danger. We

Think about someone that you have difficulty with. It could be a family member, co-worker, friend. There may be value in keeping the relationship, or they are in your orbit by way of circumstance - in any case, there are times when you struggle to maintain your composure or feel drained of your energy around them. When you reflect on your last few interchanges, ask yourself, "In their presence do I feel inferior or superior?" Generally speaking, we will lean one way or the

Most people know who Tom Brady is; an American Quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and winner of six Superbowl championships. I recently heard him in an interview talking about what he does to maintain a healthy lifestyle and he commented: "My body is an asset." Makes sense, coming from a super athlete that makes his living in sports. But it got me to thinking about how we view our own bodies - super athlete or not, is our body not an asset? Imagine what is happening beh

When we think about our current circumstances of trying to navigate through a pandemic, it can bring to mind other times in our lives when we have faced challenges or difficult situations. This can lead us to reflect on the question: "What have I learned about myself through the difficulties I have faced in my life?" My immediate reaction to this question lies somewhere in the answer of resilience. Overall, the challenges in my life have made me stronger, and yet why is that?

11 months into Covid-19; in many ways time has passed by quickly and yet in other ways the past seems far away. Coming into the year mark, it feels as though there is a different quality to our movement within this global pandemic. In Ontario, we are coming out of a lockdown that was instituted on Boxing Day. When I think back to the initial emergency order back in March of 2020, there was a great deal of emphasis placed on 'getting through this together' - there was a feeli

This is often a question that comes into therapy when a client is trying to make sense of something. A few years ago, a woman in her early fifties sought therapy for a work issue; having been employed at the same place for close to 27 years, she had recently taken stress leave due to a "bully-like boss." Although she had had her fair share of managers in her work history, this one was clearly taking a toll on her, as she described feeling undermined and questioned on every t

I have been working with a client who is going through her "year of firsts" after losing her grandmother. This time is one of process; one in which we go through the first year, weaving through the stages of grief and learning how to live without our loved one. It is also a time to honour our family member at each "first;" birthdays, holidays, special events so as to both recognize their missed presence and acknowledge the valued place they held in our lives. This particular

I have a stack of books that I read for work; in fact, sometimes I have to limit my purchasing as I remind myself to catch up on the ones I have on my shelf! (I have this issue with fictional books too.) Most recently, I read Harriet Lerner's "Why Won't You Apologize?" and gained some insight into the art of the apology. Here are some points I resonated with: We are all apology-challenged with certain people and in some situations; some apologies are easier to offer than oth

Often used interchangeably, the words empathy and sympathy are quite similar. They both involve emotion and we use the words to convey to another person that in some form we understand what they are going through. As defined in the Webster's dictionary: Empathy: the power to enter into the feeling or spirit of others Sympathy: a sharing in the emotions of others; especially the sharing of grief and pain When we sympathize with someone, we have some degree of understanding

Sometimes our breakups end well, amicably. Sometimes when we decide that we can no longer have a person in our lives and we put boundaries into place, they are respected. Sometimes this is not the case, and the person with whom we have asked for some space persistently pursues, sometimes to the point of manipulation, abuse, and attempts to coerce. When we have an ex or a fallen out loved one who begins to relentlessly text, you can almost guarantee a mixed bag of messages -

We live in a technological world and as a result, there are many advantages to our daily lives that have been improved by technology. Unfortunately, it also creates the space for cyberbullying and cyberstalking. The Cyberbullying Research Center defines cyberstalking as: "Cyberstalking involves the use of technology (most often, the Internet!) to make someone else afraid or concerned about their safety. Generally speaking, this conduct is threatening or otherwise fear-induc

We are into February which brings the ever tiniest promise of spring. Still considered a month in the 'dark days of winter,' it can often seem long until we see the first true signs of warmer weather and the spring thaw. As the month progresses, we will most likely notice that the sun seems a bit warmer and the days a bit longer. We can only be patient, focusing on the present day as it comes with its own blessings. To remind us to hold steady, we can rely on the words of Ma

When I think about our experience of managing through the ebb and flow of the effects of a worldwide pandemic, I also reflect on the life lessons this has taught me. Through three quotes, I have learned: "There is more to life than increasing its speed." - Mahatma Gandhi. Perhaps my biggest take away is how slowing down has been a huge blessing; not only in my own experience, but seeing it shift as a valuable effect on society in general. "Our character is often revealed a

In an article entitled "The Most Valuable Thing a Parent Can Do For Their Kids" by Glennon Doyle Melton and featured on Oprah.com , Melton talks about the challenge we face as parents when hardship strikes. Speaking candidly about how separating from her husband led her to feelings of failure as a parent, she came to realize some valuable insight about how to best guide our children through difficult times: "What if it has never been our job—or our right—to protect our child

I walk every day on a forest trail; this time of year it is a snowy one. I often remark to myself that my walk has something to teach me about life: I can walk at a pretty good pace; until it snows and the trek becomes a bit more difficult to navigate and I have to slow down. Sometimes I can go through the puddles, sometimes they are too big and I have to find a way around them. I can be alone or have a companion - and both are invaluable. When I come to a steep hill and look

Coming into yet another emergency order for lockdown, we are faced with feelings of weariness and discouragement. Coupled with the isolating effects of not being able to socialize, it can be quite tempting to follow those feelings into the rabbit hole of depression and disengagement. Perhaps now more than ever, we can proceed as we would in any storm - by battening down the hatches. In order to do that emotionally, we can: create a self-care routine that allows us to feel ta