I have discovered a new podcast that I am passing along to you. Hosted by success coach and registered psychotherapist, Hina Kahn , "Possibilities" provides to the listener short episodes that promote self-reflection and end with a gratitude practice. Some episodes that I have recently listened to include: "The thing about money," "Let's go on a mental detox," "The thing that will change your year," and "How to create a better morning routine." Hina creates an energetic kin

In a classic form of the "opposites attract" relationship, we have the passive versus dominant dynamic. Very often attracted to each other, the passive person appreciates the dominant person's ability to make decisions, and it often quite happy to defer. The dominant person likes the alpha position as it gives them the feeling of control; most often sought as a means of feeling safe and secure. When a couple is aware of this dynamic and work together to best appreciate each

My girlfriends and I have a little group chat where we often post funny memes - since Covid-19 began, many memes have circulated. They tickle the funny bone, bring some humour to a stressful and discouraging time, they lighten the mood. Some of them have running themes about alcohol (having wine in your coffee cup during a Zoom meeting) or the ability to never have to get out of your pj's. In my work as a therapist, I have also seen some running themes - essentially, we are

In an article entitled "In Denmark, Empathy is Taught As a School Subject That Kids Must Learn From a Very Young Age" and featured on Thinking Minds , we read about the Danish belief that teaching empathy to children in school is just as important a life lesson as math or science. From the article: In 1993, empathy classes became mandatory; children aged 6 to 16 are taught how to cultivate kindness in themselves. The children during the empathy classes are asked to share any

There are nuances to our healthy relationships that often affect their reciprocity. With parents, for example, there is a power differential. Present from our childhoods, the shift of power increases in equality when we become adults; however, one wrong look from Dad or a reproachful word from Mom and we are back to feeling like a four year old kid again. :) With our children, we lead the relationship and ultimately just do more of the work; and that's okay. And when it comes

Betrayal is one of the toughest emotions to process. Betrayal as defined in the Webster's dictionary: to act treacherously towards//to reveal treacherously//to fail to justify . And in my Dictionary of Emotions by Patrick Michael Ryan , betrayal is defined as violation of confidence; disloyalty. When we are betrayed by someone, there is an element of the act not being justified. We struggle to understand how they could have acted in such a way towards us as would merit the

Our next question in our self-reflection series is: How do I want my life to look versus how do I want it to feel? This is an interesting question as it lands smack down in the middle of our consumer-driven, keep-up-with-the-Jones' societal messages. Our instinct might bring us to think about the house we live in or the car we drive, the brand names on our clothes or having 'the best' of something. This is how our life looks to others. And yet how it feels is a better in

Today marks the beginning of 2021. I read this poem by D.Simone and send this thoughtful intention to you: “May light always surround you; Hope kindle and rebound you. May your hurts turn to healing; Your heart embrace feeling. May wounds become wisdom; Every kindness a prism. May laughter infect you; Your passion resurrect you. May goodness inspire your deepest desires. Through all that you reach for, May your arms never tire.” ― D. Simone Happy New Year! Like this post? C

Rene Descartes quoted "Doubt is the origin of wisdom." Part of the way that we learn and grow is to ask questions. Sometimes that comes in the form of doubting what we have been taught to believe or challenging the status quo if it doesn't feel right to us. Other times, if something feels too good to be true, we may doubt its validity. This type of doubt is defined as skepticism - a process in which we suspend judgement so as to be able to gather information and make an obje

When it comes to the start of a new year, we will often self-reflect as to what the year will bring and the goals we might have for ourselves and our loved ones. For some, that may take the form of New Year's resolutions, for others, it may not be that definitive. I like to view it as a time of renewal - much like September gets us feeling like it is time to get back to routine, January gets us thinking about how we might want 2021 to look. With 2020 having given itself a pr

I can remember last March when we went into lockdown. I can remember my naïve or perhaps protective brain telling myself that this probably wouldn't last that long - that I was not going to make any rash decisions about the planned trip to the Azores in May or our vacation to Maine in August. And I really remember telling myself that "Surely by Christmas, this will all be over." And here we are facing lockdown again. We are all tired of Covid-19. And yet if there is one thin

In an article I read entitled "Why Getting in Touch with Your Mixed Feelings Can Lead to a Better Outcome," by Clifton Mark and featured on CBC , Clifton explored the idea of ambivalence and how despite, its pernicious reputation, can actually be good for you. Three points that stood out for me in the article were: experiencing mixed emotions is correlated with better self-control. feeling both positively and negatively about something motivates us to reflect on how our diff

This fall, I decided to get back to walking - my 45 minute daily loop through forested trails. For the past year, I had really slowed down due to my 11 year old Great Dane not being able to map it any longer; we were going out each day, but it had become more of a daily stroll. And I needed to get back to exercising. As I was scrolling through Facebook one day, I see a sponsored advertisement for a company called My Virtual Mission . It peaked my interest so I explored it fu

I have to say that this year I feel ahead of the game for Christmas. A positive by-product of the pandemic, we have more time to prepare for the upcoming holiday - I did a lot of my shopping online, we sent a box of gifts to my aunt who lives in the United States (and sadly can't come to Canada for Christmas), the house is decorated and most of my wrapping is done. It has also made me realize how rushed I felt last year and how important some self-care at this time of the ye

In an article entitled, "Anger 101: Making Peace with Your Angry Feelings" by Lillian Rozin and featured on Good Therapy , Lillian writes about our lack of formal education when it comes to our emotions. She states, "We are rarely taught about our feelings with any intention . We learn emotion by observing our families and by experimenting in our relationships, mostly without anything that could be construed as constructive feedback." This is especially true when it comes

In an article entitled "Where Does Self-Esteem Come From and How Can I Develop it? by Caty Harris and featured on GoodTherapy , Caty takes the mystery of self-esteem and explains it through a nature and nurture lens. "Self-esteem is influenced by evolution, childhood, rejection, social group stability, and, most importantly, beliefs." Two points that especially stood out to me: how beliefs and rejection can hinder a child's ability to form a well developed self-esteem. As

We all know how important a good night's sleep is for both our physical and mental health; a few sleep deprived days can leave us feeling as cranky as a bear with a sore paw. Recently, I was introduced to a website called "Tuck" (what an awesome name!) and from their many resourceful articles, I was able to come up with some interesting facts about sleep: The ideal nap is 10 to 20 minutes. Anything exceeding the 20 minute mark can lead to feeling sluggish; potentially creatin

I was speaking with a client last week who has been working quite effectively with managing her anxiety. She spoke about a situation which had started out quite confidently - heading into a store with her mask on and her list of items; feeling no anxiety. She noted that upon entering the store, she began to notice how many people were there and a quiet unease settled in. She stated that despite her telling herself that protocol was being followed, her unease began to grow unt

I appreciated reading this passage from Walk the Earth: Decide You are the only one in charge of your destiny. Unfair things may happen to you, unfortunate times may come to you, but you always get to choose how you respond. You can live in frustration and bitterness, or you can be the bigger person and just play the hell out of the cards you are dealt. Because the truth is, in this world, not a single person chooses the cards they receive, but every single person chooses ho

In an article entitled "8 Principles for Communicating With People With Dementia" by Andrew Budson and featured on Psychology Today , he provides some excellent advice on how we can communicate with a loved one who has dementia. Some of those principles include: Keeping in mind that truth is relative . For someone with dementia, what feels real to them is going to be different than what feels real to you. Understanding that can help you to: Remain calm . A person with memory