There is no doubt we live in an extroverted society; there tends to be a greater value placed on being social, outgoing and gregarious. I have noticed in my practice that often times when I mention to someone the possibility that they might be a tad more on the introverted end of the scale, there is almost a look of doubt on their faces. The reality about introversion that it is not about being reclusive or hermit-like and it is not about “hating people.” The biggest differen

Yesterday's post explored 5 facts about indifference. Sometimes we can be indifferent in our relationship, sometimes we can lean into it when it comes to a specific situation such as our health - in any case, the first step is to recognize the indifference and how it might be affecting us in both  the short and long term. It is often easy to overlook the little things we used to do to take care of our loved ones, or ourselves, but this will create a cumulative effect, and bef

Indifference is defined as lack of interest, concern or sympathy . It can be what feels like a global trait, or it can be quite specific to a person or situation. Here are 5 facts about indifference: Indifference can develop as a way to protect ourselves. If we grew up in a home in which we were emotionally neglected, we can often appear 'cold' to those around us; we can even surprise ourselves at times with lack of what would be considered appropriate feelings. Overexposure

Although I would say that feeling accepted is one of the greatest boosters to our emotional health, I would say feeling appreciated is a close second. When we are acknowledged for the deeds we embark on that help or aid others - whether that be at home, in our families, at work, or in the community - we feel strengthened and supported. And just as important as being appreciated is showing appreciation. When we consciously make a point to appreciate, we build trust in our rel

What a lovely reminder by Christy Ann Martine that we can take the time to reset our systems through the ever graceful calm of nature: When your world moves too fast and you lose yourself to the chaos, introduce yourself to each color of the sunset.  Reacquaint yourself with the earth beneath your feet. Thank the air that surrounds you with every breath you take. Find yourself in the appreciation of life. - Christy Ann Martine Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

Anger is a universal emotion; when we see an angry face, we are able to instantly recognize the emotion. It is also our safest emotion; we know not to 'poke an angry bear.' Anger is a useful emotion in that it produces an action; it also provides relief. Anger however, is only productive when it is in our control; as soon as it moves to aggression (raised voice, yelling, hitting, name calling, etc.) it is no longer in our control and then works against us. When that “angry b

Sometimes we have a hard time accepting something and as a result we lean into eternal hope. That place where anything is possible; where miracles can happen and what we wish for will come true. Perhaps we hope that a relationship will improve, or an outcome will come out in our favour - perhaps we realize that the boundaries we put in place are respected, or our expectations that someone will change will come to pass. Although eternal hope is usually linked to our emotion br

If there are two things that have been confirmed to me as a therapist, it is that we like plan and purpose. We feel better when moving forward (no matter the pace), and when the essence of our being aligns with purpose. We feel comforted by meaning - in our work, play, family life, community. One of the ways to achieve this is through volunteering with an organization or cause that is dear to us. Being service oriented allows us to focus on other; to make a difference: Volunt

I love the thought behind this quote: " What if your fairy godmother is the wisest, smartest version of your self - whispering from the future? -Blissimo" One thing that I know for sure is that I am certainly a wiser version of myself at 54. The knowledge and experiences that we gather along the way help to inform our decisions, allow us to be more aware of our surroundings and can definitely help us to not feel quite so defenseless when faced with adversity. Perhaps what a

Who would have thought that Newton's First Law of Physics was going to be useful in helping to understand the cycle of depression? But his Law of Inertia is often a good way to comprehend how depression can take hold of us. Depression uses two ways to keep us in it's grip. One is through isolation; it likes to isolate us from the activities we like to enjoy and the people we like to spend time with. The second way is that depression kills effort; we often feel a change in

When our kids are having a meltdown, tough go, or panic attack we can inadvertently compound the situation by telling them to 'Calm down' or 'Relax.' Most of the time, this is also said with a tone that is less than calm. Taking a deep breath ourselves before using these alternatives will help to deliver a supportive message: "You look upset. Do you need a hug?  "I can see that you are struggling with something. Do you need my help?" "Hold my hand and let's take a few deep

I came across this lovely prose by Lang Leav is entitled "New Beginnings." New Beginnings If I have learned anything this year, it is that I won't ever be ready for what life throws at me. I won't have the right words when it counts; I won't know what to choose when fate itself is staring me down. But now I know I don't always need to have the right answer. I've learned I can go on waiting for something, sustained by hope and nothing more - or I can put it aside and shrug my

A client remarked to me the other day, "When the why is strong enough, the how will follow." As I reflected upon this with her, I was once again brought back to one of my favourite words: curiosity. People come to therapy because they want something to be fixed; they want to feel better. Sometimes that comes with a clarity as to what they are struggling with; other times it is obscure or hidden from them and they are basing their presenting issue on feelings or symptoms. In

When we think about the beginning of something, usually something exciting comes to mind. The start of a holiday is always filled with the thoughts of adventure, a new relationship is saturated with the honeymoon phase, the nervous jitters of a new job is often tempered with possibility. When we think about something ending, usually unpleasant thoughts are quickly enveloped with feelings we wish to avoid. Endings bring about change and a new and potentially uncomfortable rea

Over-estimating danger is a common thinking trap. Often tied to a core belief or learned from past experience, we can fall prey to believing that something bad is going to happen. For some people, it can be an accompanying thought to a low-level feeling of anxiety that is often described as "a feeling of dread." If your childhood was filled with uncertainty or chaos, you most likely live with low level anxiety. Our fight-or-flight system responds to this low level anxiety as

What is a proper apology? I can tell you that any apology that starts out with “I’m sorry but…” is not an apology. Neither is “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Essentially when you word an apology in these ways, you are negating the whole purpose of saying sorry which is to acknowledge a wrong doing while seeking repair. It is about owning up to your role in the conflict. Essentially, you wish to say you are sorry for the behaviour you feel guilty about EVEN when the person y

There are 6 relationship phrases that are considered important when looking at the health of a relationship or family. They are “Please,” “Thank you,” “You’re Welcome,” “I love you,” “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.” Although at first glance this appears to be just about good manners, it is important to think about the context of when and how you use these phrases. Do you use them with your partner or spouse? With your children? Are they encouraged between partners, parent

Three components of resliliecny include growth, strength and courage. Let's celebrate each one of these with a quote: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais Nin "You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." - Marcus Aurelius "You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore." - William Faulkner When we build resilien

This can be a good mantra for people pleasers. And although it is perfectly acceptable to simply say no to a request, it often feels difficult to do so. The first thing that enters into the picture is the propensity to say "Yes" - and that pull tends to be quite strong. Next comes the guilt - somehow saying no indicates what a horrible person you are. Tsk. Tsk. Unfortunately, saying yes all the time makes us tired, feel as though we are being taken advantage of, and places ou

Sometimes we create our own roadblock to change. This is not always obvious; after all, denial is a big line of defense. It can happen consciously - we verbally deny observations or questions brought to our attention; and it can also occur unconsciously, where the pull is stronger and it usually involves 'forgetting' elements of what has taken place. Typically, when we sense that there is something we hold back from ourselves, this represents our sore spots, our fears, our d