Last week was a tough one, as my sister and I and our families said goodbye to our dear and loving mom. I don't think that anything can truly prepare you for losing a parent as it throws you into the vulnerability of the realization of truly being "on your own." As I walked with Cricket yesterday and reflected on the past week, it was the dichotomy of grief that came to my mind the most. For as heavy as my heart has felt since being told we had to summon family, it shares th

Is a statement I hear over and over again in therapy (usually when we get to the goals section of the intake.) Happiness, however is a weighted word, and at times will feel like an unattainable goal; it is at this point where we move to breaking it down to something more tangible, achievable. Instead, I ask what it would mean to be content. How would you know that you were satisfied with your day? What daily moments bring you peace? If you are struggling to find those instan

Chronic pain can result in depression. Actually, so can having a chronic condition. Sometimes we don't realize how being in continual discomfort can cause us to become depressed. We may choose to stay home one day due to increased pain levels; heightening the isolation factor. We may have to cancel plans because we are experiencing a flare up; leading to feelings of discouragement and disappointment. Potentially, we become so focused on what our physical bodies are putting u

In a recent Clear and Vivid podcast with Alan Alda , he sits with Michael J. Fox, sharing their experience of living with Parkinson's disease. Diagnosed with early on-set Parkinson's in 1991, Michael notes that he spent 7 years with the disease before going public with the news; the sharing of which brought him into a community in which he could draw from their strength. I especially resonated with his words on acceptance: "Acceptance does not mean resignation. When you accep

Anxiety is mostly anonymous . As much as our anxiety makes us feel exposed and vulnerable, most people (except those closest to you) cannot tell when you are anxious. I can remember how nervous I used to feel when having to present something in front of my peers in graduate school; I would have that sinking feeling in my stomach and it felt as though everyone could see my uneasiness. It was a physiological reaction and one that felt both out of my control and very obvious .

Yesterday we talked about how we have a fear response that can trigger the fight-or-flight mechanism in our brain when we are faced with true (or perceived) danger. But what about our relaxation response? Our comfort system? Just as our body is attuned to danger, it is also modulated by safety. When we feel secure, we feel less vulnerable and more capable of handling life's challenges. Our comfort system is about a feeling of peace ; you may find it outside when the sun is s

Thanks to my partner Kurt for having introduced this song to me; I have come to appreciate Kenny Chesney's "Better Boat" (feat. Mindy Smith) . Although it was written to memorialize the devastation that occurred in the Virgin Islands during the 2017 Hurricane season, it speaks to me of a greater theme. One that touches on the challenges that we face in life; often not in our control, that we must navigate through. It is about allowing ourselves to ride the waves of our emotio

We live with defining moments in our lives. The moments that become “before the event and after the event” moments. One such moment in my life was the day that my ex-husband and I had to tell our children that we were separating; without question one of the toughest days of my life and undeniably a defining moment for me. In looking back, I can reflect upon the fact that before the event, it was my time to begin grieving a 23 year relationship. I would cry in the shower, cry

For the past nine years I have walked my Great Dane in a locally forested area called the Grove. Following the well worn path brings us along a ridge where we walk high above the Ottawa River, winding through the majestic, towering pines, and occasionally glimpse a wandering fox or a foraging raccoon. It is the perfect way for us to not only get our exercise, but to reap in the benefits of fresh air; nature acting as an essential healer. Although I always say that therein li

In a Ted Talk featuring Kristen Neff entitled "The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion," Kristen highlights the importance of self-compassion and how it differs from self-esteem. Self-esteem, which is often classified as the confidence one has in their own value, is one in which we tend to place judgement on whether or not we are worthy. According to Kristen, "Self-compassion is not a way of judging ourselves. Self compassion is a way of relating to ourselves kin

A little poem by Krishnamurti that caught my eye: In oneself lies the whole world If you know how to look and learn, The door is there and the key is in your hand. In many instances, we can lose the ability to self-reflect. Sometimes it is our emotions that get in the way ; we get caught up in feeling sad or angry or guilty, and we lose the ability to access our rational brain. Other times it is our core beliefs that put up road blocks; if we land in an automatic thought a

We are pre-programmed to worry . It comes from our days on the plains when we had to concern ourselves with things such as food, fire, and shelter. Fast forward to today where our basic needs are being met, but worry remains; it can still function for us but at times can take up too much space and energy in our lives. Sometimes worry is a learned behaviour ; often times we identify with a parent that has had a history of it. The good news, is that it doesn’t have to be like

When life gets busy and overwhelming, we can easily put ourselves on the back burner. We may find excuses as to why our planned walk isn't necessary, or meeting with a friend this week "will have to wait." A few days of this is tolerable and sometimes necessary, but if it becomes more of a constant than not, we begin to feel depleted. In our busy lives, it often feels overwhelming to think of possibly fitting some self-care into our day and yet it is also a vital way to bu

When I was doing my graduate degree, we had a professor who stated that "We learn just as much about ourselves from what hurts us as from what loves us." Then we all watched "Tuesdays with Morrie." :) Further to this, we had to write a journal style essay exploring this statement and how it was relevant in our own lives; the experience of which was quite therapeutic and has helped to informed me, not only in my professional life but in my personal life as well. We often hav

Anxiety does not last forever . Even though anxiety can feel very permanent in the moment, it is a temporary process and does decrease. It ebbs and flows, existing as part of our adaptive mind-body system; when we process what we are worried about, we can often move to a position of feeling calmer. In a past post, we learned that emotion tends to trump reason which will often allow our fears to take over; taking a few deep breaths and then asking ourselves “What can I do abo

I recently came across an organization named "Make it OK;" it's aim: to educate the public about mental illness and to help put an end to the stigma that tends to be a concurrent issue for people who are brave enough to speak their truth. On the interactive website, you will find information about mental illness; did you know for example, that one in four people will develop a mental illness in their life time? They have quizzes to see if you recognize mental illness stigma

In a recent podcast that I was listening too entitled "Clear and Vivid with Alan Alda: Father Greg Boyle on Compassion, Kinship and Real Ways to Help Others," Alan was speaking with Father Boyle, founder of Homeboy Industries, the world's largest gang intervention, rehabilitation and re-entry program in the world. I was stuck by the following passages that touches on the process of healing and how it can be generalized in many ways across the human experience. "Part of is

I am borrowing this one from my friend and colleague, Darlene Denis-Friske. It is a strategy she likes to call the "three m's" and it is related to our call to action when we are in a highly emotional state. If you recall from previous posts, emotion will trump reason every time and the more heightened you feel while caught up in that whirlwind of emotion, the more likely you are to succumb to saying or doing something you will regret after your emotional state returns to a c

Persistent irritability can be a symptom of depression. Typically when we think of depression we tend to consider first the classic symptoms of depression such as low mood and motivation, changes to our sleeping and eating habits, etc., yet irritability can be an indication that you are depressed; especially if it is persistent. This can be especially true for men, who may not show the visible signs of emotion linked to depression; the same goes for children or adolescents

The definition of emotion in my Webster's dictionary is as follows: a strong feeling (such as wonder, love, sorrow, shame) often accompanied by a physical reaction (e.g. blushing or trembling). In my Dictionary of Emotions by Patrick Michael Ryan , he states, "Emotions are subjective. Emotions help define our internal and external condition and experience." Two rather interesting definitions of emotion that I found online at Urban Dictionary (a website where people uplo