An unhealthy relationship will often strip us of our power. Sometimes, that can come from an overtly abusive relationship where the need for control oppresses the other, but it can also come from subtle sources as well. When we begin to recognize that our self-value has lessened and our self-identity is being affected by being in the relationship, we most likely know, deep down, that the relationship is oppressing us in some way. What results is a prevention of living true t

Anger - we all have experience with this feeling in one form or another. Although it is one of our basic emotions, it is often the one we have the most difficulty with. Here are 5 interesting facts about anger: Anger is meant to protect us. As part of our survival brain, anger triggers our 'fight-or-flight' response. This allows us to defend ourselves, as anger allows us to have an immediate response to threats of danger. Anger is a secondary emotion. We can't feel anger wi

We can all appreciate a good work ethic. When our head hits the pillow at night, there is a part of us that feels satisfaction from a fruitful day. And yet for some of us, the pendulum has swung too far. From the moment your feet hit the floor, it is go - go - go. Perhaps it is Type A tendencies, expectations of self that tend to be too high, perfectionism, learned behaviours and/or developed patterns that have contributed to an association that resting is unacceptable. And

An important part of the intake process is the goals section. I often ask clients, "If you could walk out of here after so many sessions having achieved something, what would that be?" Some clients have no trouble defining their goals, others will be stumped by the question. For some people, it comes down to a feeling - "I just want to happy," or "I want to feel like myself again." Having an end goal (or two, three or four) is an important part of therapy. When you come with

There are times when we are just going to feel anxious as we get faced with challenges and worries that we must attend to. Using grounding techniques for those times help to get through the anxious moments. But there is something to be said for the practice of "being grounded." It can be a goal that we set as a way of life that helps us to consciously spend more time in our comfort system. By practicing the art of being grounded on a daily basis, we are giving ourselves per

Yesterday's post touched on the importance of using the practice of grounding when feeling especially anxious or overwhelmed. We explored five ways to use our physical selves to bring our calm back to the situation at hand. Today's post will feature five mental techniques of grounding: Describe what is around you. Take in your surroundings as a way to help ground yourself. "I am sitting on a blue chair. I can feel the way the chair supports my lower back; my feet are flat on

We can all have those moments when we feel especially overwhelmed. For those who struggle with pervasive anxiety, chronic worry, or panic attacks, being able to slow things down can feel almost impossible. Grounding is a practice that can help to do that. Grounding techniques are designed to use distraction as a way to help manage challenging emotions. Here are five grounding techniques that focus on using the senses, or our physical self in order to calm: Deep belly breathin

The quick answer? It depends. We are a relationship species; we seek connection and some of our most valuable experiences are those that are shared. It would be pretty difficult to not compare ourselves to others within our social circle, work place, society. In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger suggested that people have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often in comparison to others - he called this Social Comparison Theory. Comparison is often one way that influence

What a lovely poem I came across about the importance of gratitude: Gratitude Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life

Rumi was a 13th Century poet and Sufi mystic from Persia. It always amazes me how universal his words are and how they have transcended time. Here are a few of my favourites: "Do a good deed and throw it in the river, one day it will come back to you in the desert." - Rumi “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” - Rumi “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” - Rumi "Let yourself b

Yesterday's post featured the importance of a village of attachment for our children. It is the concept that embraces the notion that "it takes a village to raise a child," and how kinship and community can provide adult relationships of attachment for children in addition to their parents. In westernized society, the nuclear family has moved farther and farther away from the concept of village, and has become insular. Some ways that we can begin to move towards cultivating

My sister and I grew up away from family as my parents settled in a small Ontario town for a job opportunity. As a result, we saw our maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins only a few times a year. Although we were close and loved going to Massachusetts, the physical distance didn't allow us to fully take advantage of our 'village of attachment.' The African saying of "It takes a village to raise a child," is a rather accurate reflection of what our attachment vill

It is surprising how much energy can play a role in our mental health. Here are 5 interesting facts about it: A body in motion stays in motion. Newton's Law of Physics applies to us as well; when we have a plan for our day and begin to work through our list, we generate and sustain energy. This allows us to feel accomplished and productive. According to the law of conservation, energy can not be created or destroyed - it can only be transformed . This helps us to see the im

The words "I am" have the power to bring that energy into your life. I came across this lovely affirmation by Carly Marie: I AM GROUNDED My spirit is grounded deep in the earth. I am calm, strong, centered  and peaceful. I am able to  let go of fear and  trust that I am eternally safe. I am worthy of all things BEAUTIFUL. - Carly Marie When we can shift our focus into an energy that we want to increase in our lives, it has the potential to create that which you seek. Photo b

Communication in relationships takes work. It is one of those things that doesn't always come easily; firstly, due to our emotional brain and how it likes to trump our rational brain , and secondly, we have often learned unhealthy communication patterns throughout our relationship history. When we get annoyed or angry with someone, it is often a natural response to lean into attention seeking behaviours. In those moments, we have shifted to a focus on being right; on having

In order to experience growth in our lives, we need to be curious. It is, after all, the greatest challenger of fear. When our fear response is activated, we become very focused on what threatens us - both real and perceived. It is the perceived fears that will hold us back; that will keep us stuck. When we begin to question the validity of the fear, we begin to loosen its grip. "Does it have to be this way?" "What would happen if I looked at this differently?" "What would

I was given this poem by a client and I was struck by how much I resonated with its enlightening words: Grief I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was a sad time That followed the death of someone you love. And you had to push through it To get to the other side. But I'm learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through. But rather, There is absorption. Adjustment. Acceptance. And grief is not something that you complete. But rather you endure. Grief is not a

To love someone unconditionally takes a conscious effort. We have our own value systems, attitudes, opinions and beliefs. We have ways we like to do things, habits that have formed over time, and individualised experiences that help form who we are in relationship . And as a result, if we are not careful, love can become conditional. It can be overt or implied; conditional love involves a 'set of rules' that one must follow to feel approval and acceptance from their loved one

We have all heard that connection is an essential component to our well-being. Here are five facts about connection that can help to understand and solidify its importance: Human connection leads to a longer life span . When we are socially connected, we tend to be less lonely and isolated. This can add years to our life. Connection leads to greater fulfillment . When we feel joy and meaning in our experiences, it increases the feel good hormone of dopamine. Lower levels of a

How do we buy into something, and how do we know when our commitment (or someone else's) is solid? I suppose one way to know is to examine the varying degrees of commitment. First we have compliance ; defined as the action or fact of complying with a wish or command .  Sometimes compliance simply comes by way of obligations - to our job, to running a household, etc. Sometimes it is met with some resistance - think of our teenager and our requirement that they keep their room