The quick answer? It depends. We are a relationship species; we seek connection and some of our most valuable experiences are those that are shared. It would be pretty difficult to not compare ourselves to others within our social circle, work place, society. In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger suggested that people have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often in comparison to others - he called this Social Comparison Theory. Comparison is often one way that influence

How do we buy into something, and how do we know when our commitment (or someone else's) is solid? I suppose one way to know is to examine the varying degrees of commitment. First we have compliance ; defined as the action or fact of complying with a wish or command . Sometimes compliance simply comes by way of obligations - to our job, to running a household, etc. Sometimes it is met with some resistance - think of our teenager and our requirement that they keep their room

Being in limbo is a difficult place to be. We tend to like direction, feel better when we sense movement. If the circumstances of our lives create for us a time of limbo, perhaps one of the ways we can cope is to begin to see this time as the 'space between.' The ending of a relationship, the loss of a job. The process of grief and our year of firsts. The summer before we enter college, the unknowns associated with just about anything. We often struggle with limbo; leanin

There are always going to be things that end up not being in our control. Situations where our hands are tied and we are darned if we do and darned if we don't. What is in our control are the situations in which we tie our own hands; ones that we can recognize really aren't getting us anywhere at the end of the day. Some examples include: People pleasing. When we say yes automatically without asking ourselves if we have the time, energy and support to do so, we bind ourselve

Sometimes we just need a minute or two to re-set our system. Perhaps we have been triggered by something that is upsetting, we may feel anxious about a ruminating thought or worry, we may be riled up because of something someone said or did. We know that anything delivered calmly is going to carry more weight than when it is delivered with too much emotion. Here are some ways that we focus on the re-set, in order to find our pause: Focus on your breath. It is something that w

When we work in jobs where we sit for periods of time, only to come home and plunk ourselves down on the couch to watch TV, we probably are not contributing enough time to the concept of movement. Here are some things to keep in mind: Movement is 'meditation in motion .' I don't remember where I heard that phrase, but it is so true. My daily walks are my thinking time; I do my best processing out on the trail. Exercise increases improved focusing. Images of the brain before

Sometimes we get the feeling that we just aren't thinking clearly. We may know that we need to change something, we may instinctively know what is good for us, but we seem to lack the full clarity necessary to understand what is holding us back. Two things that will get in the way of clarity: Self-limiting beliefs. Nothing will hold you back faster than the poor me cycle . Believing that you can never get ahead, wondering why you can never catch a break, lamenting as to your

We all have a window of tolerance. It's that space between our patient state and our "I'm going to lose it" state. For some, that transpires to irritability and anger - to others, an eruption of tears; it can also manifest into a shut-down, don't approach me state. Sometimes, our reaction can be a combination of any of the above. In any case, when we push past our window of tolerance, we often act in ways that we regret. We have moved past our open minded, listening place,

We have learned that there is an importance of choosing relaxing activities that will help counter the effects of stress. When feeding our comfort system, here are some things to consider: We allow our brain to process new information. Ever have a day that is go, go, go, only to lay in bed thinking about everything you put aside all day? Finding ways to rest allows you time to process during our wakeful hours. We honour our body. Our bodies need time to counter stress indu

When we aren't feeling well, we make an appointment with our doctor. Nine times out of ten we will walk out with a prescription, and the symptoms tend to alleviate as the illness or symptoms clear. When we aren't feeling well emotionally, we may make an appointment with a therapist with the intention of alleviating the psychological burden we are facing. In either case, it requires some self-investment on our part. Unfortunately, there is an undercurrent of belief in our so

We often speak about the need for creating and setting boundaries as not only a means of self-care, but also as a way to allow ourselves to feel some peace in our relationships that prove to be challenging. Boundary setting however, can prove to be emotionally difficult. We can often struggle with the inner dissonance that they create (changing the way we do things often does) as well as the reaction that others may have to our decisions (we usually get tested before the ne

We all know both the physical and emotional toll that stress can take on us. Here are four practical tips in reducing every day, life-catches-up-to-us, stress: Prepare for the next day. An evening routine that allows us to plan for the next day helps us to feel that we are one step ahead of the stress. This can include making tomorrow's lunch(es), setting out the outfit you intend to wear, checking your calendar and writing out a to-do list. Sometimes neatening the house can

Acceptance is what I consider to be one of the most powerful factors in feeling safe and secure. When we feel accepted by the people who love us, it gives us the freedom to seek a content and satisfying life. But what about self-acceptance? How important is that element in feeling secure? The unconditional connections we build with others helps to sustain us; we are always better served when we have a strong, supportive circle. But self-acceptance is also key in creating a p

Today we look at our spiritual self. We often can disregard this part if we view spirituality as solely religious in nature. For some people, their spiritual self does include religion, and for others it doesn't. The soul work that we explore here involves achieving a greater sense of the sacred, the divine force within ourselves. Some of the ways that we can create optimal growth in our spiritual self includes: Nature . One of the easiest ways to connect to the sacred is to

In our series on re-connecting with our different selves, today we focus on our intellectual self and the health of our brain: Be creative . Part of what keeps our brain working well and our ability to be open minded is creativity. It might be to try something new, consider a new hobby or interest, decide to learn a new skill. Consciously choose what we pay attention to . What do our social media newsfeeds look like? Are we mindlessly watching TV? What about our podcasts? Wha

Yesterday's post began a series on re-connecting with our different selves. Today we look at our emotional or psychological self and how we can work to enhance it's optimal health: Self-reflection. This is one of the most important elements of psychological movement and growth. When we have an overall goal to examine our internal space; how we view ourselves, our developed patterns, the relationship dynamics we have formed and how our past has impacted us, we open up the doo

There are times when we recognize that we aren't feeling balanced. Perhaps we are putting emphasis on things that take us away from ourselves; perhaps life gets in the way and we find ourselves on the back burner. In any case, when we recognize that we are feeling a bit uncentered, we can begin to incorporate small things that will make a difference over time - leading us to feeling an overall sense of groundedness. We have sides of our self that include physical, emotional,

As we grow, we form core beliefs, habits, ways of thinking and being. Sometimes those can help us; they line up with our goals and fit nicely with our personalities and temperament, or they might get in the way, causing us to feel stuck in our attempt to move forward. When we have been doing something for a long time, it begins to feel as though it is a part of us. Take the example of comparing ourselves to others - that might be a natural tendency as we are a relationship s

This one can be tough. Even on our best of days, if we walk away from an interchange, or get a message that is hard to decipher, we can easily lean into feeling insulted. We can immediately default into a thought pattern that affects our self-worth and plants doubt in who we are. Learning to not take things personally is a skill that can help us look at personal situations objectively. Here are 3 tips that we can practice: Ask yourself the question, "Is this really about me?"

We often recognize that we are harder on ourselves than we are on other people. But what are the side effects of self-criticism? When our internal dialogue towards ourselves tends to be more negative than positive, it can produce the following: we feed the blues. Negative thinking, whether to ourselves or about others, will feed depression and apathy. we feed our insecurities. The things we don't feel confident about will stay that way with negative self-talk. we reinforce ou