I was surprised when my oldest daughter, college age at the time, said to me "Mom, this is the first boyfriend I've had that doesn't ask to look through my phone." I felt both dumbfounded - and ticked at myself - how did she not know this was not the norm in a healthy relationship? I also felt sad for her, that her past relationships had been ones in which she was dealing with behaviours that cross the line into destructive and potentially abusive dating patterns. Here are so

I will say this until I am blue in the face - "Friends are the ultimate gift in self-care." This past weekend, I had my annual girls weekend with three of my high school friends. Spanning 29 years of friendship and living in four different areas, we have, in connection, raised our children together. For us, this weekend away is about nourishing our comfort system. We eat good food, drink good wine, laugh until we cry, and create memories that are unique to that experience.

I came across this lovely South African tradition: "In certain regions of South Africa, when someone does something wrong, he/she is taken to the center of the village and for two days he/she is surrounded by his tribe, while they speak of all the good he/she has done. They believe that each person is good yet sometimes we make mistakes, which is really a cry for help. They unite in this ritual to encourage the person to reconnect with his true nature. The belief is that uni

Best known for her work on vulnerability and shame, Brene Brown has written a new book called "dare to lead." Although this work is aimed at how to be an effective leader at work, it was filled with little gems that are good reminders to all of us: -Speaking about our tendency when, feeling good about something, we ask ourselves "Okay, when's the other shoe going to drop?," Brene writes: "Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we feel. When we feel joy, it is a place of incredi

In a recent article entitled "Your gut bacteria are actively involved in your emotions, how you think and even behave" and featured on cbc radio , the link between our gut flora and our emotional health is growing in evidence. "Scientific research that's been picking up a lot of traction in recent years is starting to hint that our gut bacteria, otherwise known as our microbiome, is an active participant in our emotions, how we think, and even how we behave. Recent human stu

Recently I wrote a post about an Oprah Master Class Podcast with Jane Fonda . One of the bits of wisdom that Jane imparted, got me to thinking about how we often learn some valuable things about ourselves when we try and understand our own parents' stories. When I am gathering family of origin information with a client, one of the questions I ask of them is - "if you could describe your mother to me in three words, what three words would you use?" I will explore the words th

Being a therapist is a very rewarding job. Having a deep respect for people's stories, I am forever curious about how things have developed for them, how their experiences have shaped their lives, what behaviours they have learned from their caregivers and how their own path has either guided them or led them astray. If someone were to ask me what the most rewarding part of my job is, I would most likely be tempted to say something that would be expected from a therapist; so

In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote the book "On Death and Dying." She spoke about the universality of grief and how it is a process that we all experience when a loved one passes away. One of the instrumental contributions of the book are the stages of grief: Denial/Disbelief : Often the first reaction to loss. "This can't be happening," "I can't believe they are gone;" are some typical thoughts we turn to when we are trying to wrap our heads around our overwhelming emotio

Grief follows its own timeline. Although there are some things that are universal in grief, such as the stages of grief (tomorrow's post) and the year of firsts, when it comes to the process of grief, it is a very individual process. Grief needs to infiltrate our very cells, it needs to integrate loss into the experience of having loved. The anniversary of our loved one's death is a tough one. Very often, in the weeks preceding that day, we begin to feel more weepy, we have

There is something about morning sunshine. And while I appreciate sunshine at any time of the day, I am referring to the 5:45 a.m. light, the light that comes with pink and blue hues, with a stillness to the air that tells us that the day in its own glory is just beginning. I am fortunate enough to live in area that brings me (and the dog!) into a wooded area, past a river and through both field and forest. And while the world is quiet, I am always amazed at the sounds of th

There is much talk about gratitude and how it can be instrumental in increasing happiness. Perhaps this is why: Being grateful tends to shift our focus from negative bias . When we intentionally count our blessings, we purposefully focus on positive experiences. Being grateful has lasting effects. Writing out a thank you card, telling someone you appreciate their act of kindness, or treating someone to a coffee gives us a sense of goodness that tends to increase overall satis

I have just read the most fascinating article and one that depicts a very honest look at how it feels to live with PTSD in the wake of trauma. "A Stranger Came Home: Life in PTSD's Angry Shadow" is written by Yvette Brend; she writes about her experience of what her family's life has been like before and after PTSD. Married to Curt Petrovic, Yvette writes about his return from covering the typhoon in the Philippines in 2013: "The Curt who returned was wounded. His ability

I have always struggled with the saying "Everything happens for a reason." It's kind of like "God only gives you what you can handle." Really? I can understand why we turn to those types of sayings; it is in our nature to try and gain an understanding as to why something happened. We want to comfort someone. We want to find an explanation for struggle and pain. 2012 was a particularly tough year in our family. In March of that year, my mom was diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lym

I recently listened to Oprah Winfrey's Master Class podcast featuring Jane Fonda . This was such a rich listening experience, that I decided to quote her several times in this blog post. I certainly appreciated her wisdom gained from learned experiences: "In order to know where we're going, we have to know where we've been. And to know where we've been, we have to know who our parents were. Not who we think they were but who they were as free-standing, individual people." J

I love this quote by Mark Twain: "I have lived a long life and have had many troubles, most of which never happened." - Mark Twain We will always have something to worry about, mainly because we don't have the ability to see our future. Mark Twain's words remind us that living in the moment and focusing on today's worries produces a lot less heartache. That is sometimes easier said than done, however we can't deny ourselves the wisdom of that intention. The reality is, even

In an article entitled "Boundaries, Routines and Early Bedtimes: The 13 Powerful Habits That Raise Well-Adjusted Kids" by Lauren Tamm and featured on The Military Wife and Mom , Tamm writes about some essential practices that we can put into place to help our children become well adjusted. Although she spoke of the basics such as the importance of consistency through routine and making sure our little ones get enough sleep, I also appreciated some of the other featured habit

I just got back from a special vacation; Mexican sunrises, the warm heat of the sun, turquoise waters, and lovely ocean breezes. But what made it truly special were the people I was with. After having lost our mom this past November, my sister and I decided to try and co-ordinate our families for a week to enjoy some time together; not an easy task but we did it. Together we: experienced new things together and made some amazing memories. Seeing my nephew's wife jump into th

Building upon yesterday's post, I would like to touch on Dr. Phil's Living by Design Series, Episode 2; specifically the factors that need to be present in order to have a healthy family. Dr. Phil notes that in order to be ready for change, we need to have a family system that can support it. He is quite clear that sometimes that means creating it; especially if we weren't one of the lucky ones who were naturally granted it. Here are the 5 factors: We need to have a nurturin

In Dr. Phil's Living by Design podcast, his second episode is chocked so full of good stuff, I am going to cover it in two posts. We began this series about a week ago, with my original post introducing this lovely podcast. His second episode has proved to be just as good! Dr. Phil talks about four stages of readiness for change. I quote: Stage 1: is when you are going to commit to a change because is has been assigned by authority. Dr. Phil gives the example of a court

In an article my friend Gurlie sent me, they showcase some of the facts about happy. Here are some of their interesting tidbits: Happiness is a combination of how satisfied you are with your life and how good you feel on an every day basis. Happy people have lower rates of cardiovascular disease. Keeping happy "steady," has more benefits in the long run than spikes of extreme happiness. Happy people help others and volunteer more. People who have experienced some adversity in